Reading from Joe Perez’s Soulfully Gay:

Wednesday, Dec. 31

Did Jesus really rise from the dead? For the first time in many years, my answer to this question is Yes, I do believe. What changed? Part of the answer involves a story of a riddle from my past: a troubling breakdown and spiritual experience at age 30, confinement in a psychiatric ward for a time, visions in a hospital room, and an unexpected sight outside my room. I told this story in my journal (see entries on June 8 and June 15), and I’ll have a bit more to say about it. And part of the answer involves a topic I’ve written about: my encounter with the integral philosophy. But for now, here’s how the story ends: my mind accepts the reality of the resurrection….

Technorati Tags: Christ, Christianity, integral, Jesus, Joe Perez, resurrection, Soulfully Gay

I was so nervous the morning of my dialogue with Ken Wilber that it was hard to calm my nerves. We were slated to discuss my book Soulfully Gay: How Harvard, Sex, Drugs, and Integral Philosophy Drove Me Crazy and Brought Me Back to God (Integral Books/Shambhala, 2007).

Nothing that a screwdriver wouldn’t help me get through. But once it was time for my telephone chat with Ken, I found it rather enjoyable. He’s a great conversation partner and really brought out a wide variety of different angles on my story that I wouldn’t have predicted. Pretty cool experience overall!

Here’s how Integral Naked introduced my talk:

The author of one of the most searing, courageous personal memoirs of our time shares how an Integral Approach helped him reconcile a life of fierce inner struggles with what it means to be a gay man in today’s culture, the difference between genuine spiritual experiences and psychotic episodes, and the thorny intersection of homosexuality and Christianity.

In the foreword to Soulfully Gay, Ken Wilber writes: “Joe Perez’s book is perhaps the most astonishing, brilliant, and courageous look at the interface between individual belief and cultural values that has been written in our time. By a homosexual, or a heterosexual, or any other sexual I am aware of.” Ken wrote this foreword without even having met Joe—probably one of the strongest complements one writer can give to another—and Soulfully Gay is the second offering from our Integral Books imprint at Shambhala Publications.

Joe Perez - Soulfully Gay. Part 1. Out of the Closet, Into an Integral Embrace.
(click here for free sample)

Joe Perez - Soulfully Gay. Part 2. The Power of Integral Reconciliation.

Technorati Tags: Gay, integral, Ken Wilber, Soulfully Gay

In BeliefNet’s “Integral Spirituality in Real Life”, Ken Wilber praises my first book, Soulfully Gay: How Harvard, Sex, Drugs, and Integral Philosophy Drove Me Crazy and Brought Me Back to God (Integral Books/Shambhala, 2007)?

“I am in the awkward situation of writing a foreword to a book by a gay person. This is an awkward situation not because Joe Perez is gay, but because I have to point it out. I feel the same damn irritation as having to refer to, say, Edmund White as a “gay writer.” Nobody has to point out that I am heterosexual, although now I hear that I am not a heterosexual but a metrosexual, although, in fact, I have never had sex with a metro in my life. But I’m sure it is a wonderful experience.

“Nevertheless, because I have to include that information-culture today demands it, from those both for and against homosexuals-then let me say this. Joe Perez’s book is perhaps the most astonishing, brilliant, and courageous look at the interface between individual belief and cultural values that has been written in our times. By a homosexual, or a heterosexual, or any other sexual I am aware of.

“As it happens, this rather extraordinary chronicle unfolds around several conflict-inducing facts, one of which is that Joe is indeed gay; another of which is that Joe was raised Roman (homophobic) Catholic; another is that he often has authentic mystical states; and yet another is that Joe is, but only occasionally, clinically psychotic. It is the jolting collision of those items, held together by Joe’s courage in the face of all of them, that makes this chronicle so extraordinary in so many ways.

“The last item-the occasional trip into realms labeled madness-can mean, especially if you are a writer, that you are given to telling the unvarnished, brutal, searing truth, whether society likes it or not. And not the Sylvia Plath look-at-me kinds of truth, but the spiritual-seer and mad-shaman types of truth, the truths that really hurt, the truths that get into society’s craw and stick there, causing festering metaphysical sores indicative of social cancers or worse-but also the types of truth that speak to you deeply, authentically, radiantly, if you have the courage to listen.

“As it turns out, Joe is a writer, a rip-roaring wonder of a writer, and he had the courage to tell those truths, to endure them, to have them tear him apart, hospitalize him, brutalize him, kill and reassemble him, in one of the most astonishing tales of death and resurrection you are likely to find in today’s literature.

Of course, Soulfully Gay is “technically” a memoir. It contains a day-by-day journey of fourtheen months in my life. Fourteen months of soul searching, philosophizing, ruminating, and discovering repressed memories and hidden secrets. It reveals the high price I paid for the mystical connection with Agape and Thanatos, a journey that disrupted every aspect of my life and sent me to the psychiatric wards.

But it’s also the book where I lay out the case, step by step, analytically and pragmatically, why God is gay. Or, to say the same thing in a more nuanced way, why the principle of “gayness” or self-immanence is the underlying principle for understanding how homosexuality manifests in all realms of our evolving world.

In this reading (sorry for the poor production values, I’m a webcam newbie), I discuss the following passage from Soulfully Gay, and succintly answer the question: what does it mean to say “God is gay?”

God made some men gay, because He made them in His image. God made gay men to love in gay ways, because God loves in gay ways. The beauty of gay men reflects the beauty of God. The beauty of gay ways of loving reflects the beauty of God’s gay ways of loving. When someone fears and hates a gay man, he or she fears and hates God.

Audio (MP3): joeperez_sg1

Video (WMV):

You can purchase or learn more about Soulfully Gay at the Website of its publisher, Shambhala, or buy it today at Amazon.com…

Technorati Tags: Gay, God, homophilia, Soulfully Gay

Originally posted on May 15, 2007.

Peter Savastano has given me permission to excerpt a bit from an email he sent me today:

You and I have a lot in common. I have studied astrology for over 25 years (Tropical, Sidereal, and Hindu). I have also studied the writings of Ken Wilber for at least 12 years, on-and-off, and I have been a student of Zen meditation since 1980 (I am 56).

Like you, I was raised Roman Catholic and I even tried my hand at monastic life back in the early 70s, first as a Trappist and then as a Little Brother of the Gospel (based on the vision of Charles de Foucauld (no, not Michel Foucault, though I adore MF). I also lived at the Catholic Worker in NYC for a brief respite between monastic orders (yes, struggling with coming out as a gay person isn’t a straight path, as I know you know, so I often had to leave the monastery in order to attempt to deal with my sexuality in a more conducive setting).

I too have tried to hang on to my Christian (Catholic) roots in whatever way I can, but often only by a thread. One of the ways I managed to do that over the years, minimal as it is, is by being involved with the Quakers, though the Quakers never seem to quite hit the g-spot of my heart in the way I long for their view to do so.

These days I am avidly reading the writings of Rudolf Steiner (Have you tried your hand at him?). His spiritual vision really speaks to me (perspectival as it as, but then again what view isn’t?). I have also been drawn from time to time to esoteric forms of Christianity. Essentially I have had to learn, as it seems you have too, to make my way in the world of Spirit trusting solely in my inner guide or the inner Christ, or Buddha, or whatever I seem to call it presently. I also have a great interest and attraction to shamanic healing and I have taken quite a few workshops on shamanic techniques.

Yes, I am a hodge-podge of spiritual searchings, longings, practices, the way of most gay men, I have come to believe and accept, since no tradition will seem to have us without some concession of our beings to their authority structures and rigid dogmas and doctrines.

I am currently making my way through KW’s “Integral Spirituality.” Gosh, I admit this is a very long winded way of introducing myself to you. Please forgive me for going on and on.

At any rate, my purpose for writing is to thank you for “Soulfully Gay” and for “Until” and “Integral Christian.” Your book was a true boon to me at a time of great suffering and inner darkness. I only recently finished it but didn’t want to let too long go by before I wrote to express my gratitude and appreciation to you…

Technorati Tags: Soulfully Gay

Originally posted on June 8, 2007.

I am a gay man and the son of a minister. He is of the UCC denomination but only jumped on the “open and affirming” movement when I came out. I bought your book today, and just finished the God is Gay chapter. I have always identified my resentment toward organized religion, and my father, separately: but after reading this chapter, specifically T.I.O.B.G, stuff fizzled up in my inner being that I didn’t even know was there. (I cried for probably the 5th time in 10 years)

I just want to say thanks…and I haven’t even finsihed the book (though at the rate I am going, I will be done tomorrow). I recently started my own intense self reflection and spiritual journey. I really connect.

BTW- I think the harmonious way you phrase otherwise difficult stuff makes you a poet—-in a sense.

Enjoy the book, Adam. T.I.O.B.G. gets “finished” as a concept in the Deeper Connections chapter and modeled in “Bridge of Light”, so the whole book continues the T.I.O.B.G. meditation in a sense. And blessings on your journey.

Technorati Tags: Soulfully Gay

Originally posted on June 22, 2007.

“Plants shape our lives more than you might think. Next time on the Beat, we take a trip to the Washington Park Arboretum. Also, Seattle author Joe Perez tells us how Harvard, Sex, Drugs and Integral Philosophy drove him crazy and brought him back to God…”

I’m on KUOW The Beat… talking about Soulfully Gay, growing up in Washington, college life, my 20s lifestyle, 30s spiritual path as a seeker, finding an integral path, giving advice to queer youth.

Honestly, I’m rather disappointed with my experience on the show. Dave Beck is a wonderful interviewer, but he wasn’t conversant with most of the book. His questions focused on my biography … with is perfectly understandable because my book is marketed, after all, as a memoir. However, 20 minutes just didn’t give me enough time to get from my early childhood experiences through Harvard and into the present. I look at the show as a good learning experience if nothing else.

Technorati Tags: Joe Perez, NPR, Soulfully Gay

Thanks for being born, man!

Technorati Tags: Soulfully Gay

I recently finished reading your book Soulfully Gay, and I just wanted to congratulate you on the publication of such a beautiful memoir and to thank you for writing it. While I cannot surpass Ken Wilber’s fulsome praise of your life and work, please know that this straight Benedictine monk was and is greatly inspired by your example. Also, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.With every good wish and blessing,
Gregory P., O.S.B.

Technorati Tags: Soulfully Gay

Starting out, I’d prefer if you keep my name to yourself, but I had to write to you. A week or two ago, I was in a bookstore and spotted a single copy of your book on the shelf. I pulled it out, opened up to a page—and was somewhat shocked—because in that particular entry, you were writing about me. I used to write a blog about being gay / bi-sexual (whatever I am) and Christian at the same time, focusing on what I thought at the time was my path to becoming exgay. (I said something like turning away from homosexuality and toward god)

I’d probably still be on that path, but a little more than a year ago, I met someone. The blog entries became fewer and fewer as our relationship grew more and more. I love him; I’ve never loved anyone before. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I feel somewhat hypocritical—I’ve become what I told others I’d never become: just happy with who I am. Mostly. I’m not out to a lot of people. Mostly close friends. My church found out about my boy friend being gay (let me explain, they seem to think we’re just roommates and that he’s gay and I’m not) and one of the pastors made a huge deal out of it. My boy friend won’t go back to the church (I don’t blame him) and they told me I had to move out, or that I couldn’t do any of the leadership type things they had me doing. I haven’t been back to the church since then either, as much as I loved it there. It surprised me a lot, their reaction, being that it’s a hugely progressive group of over 2,000.

Anyway, I don’t really know why I’m writing to you. I told myself I would when I saw the entry. I don’t write the blog anymore, but have thought about starting a new one. Being that most of my friends before I met my boy friend are Christians, I can’t turn to them to talk about this stuff. Being in a relationship is hard enough, dating a guy for the first time in my life when everyone in my life tells me that’s wrong is, well, interesting, to say the least. It was nice to see what you wrote—I’d vaguely recalled reading it online, I think a while back. I’m sure I promptly dismissed it back then.

Technorati Tags: Gay, Soulfully Gay, youth

A letter from John D.:

Hi Joe,
I just finished Soulfully Gay. I liked it a lot. I picked it up in a bookstore and ended up buying it when I saw the introduction by Ken Wilber. I’m gay, raised catholic, and am currently on a Ken Wilber jag. (Right now I’ve got five Ken Wilber books piled on my bedstand, and I’ve got another one on order.)

Four years ago I decided to return to the catholic church after 35 years away (I’m 58). Over the years I had seriously checked out other religious traditions (I was and am particularly attracted to taoism). However, when push came to shove it seemed natural for me to approach Spirit through the tradition I was raised in rather than trying to work through another tradition in which I would always be in some sense a foreigner.

For me, a major factor in all this is that I live in the SF Bay Area and am able to attend Most Holy Redeemer in the Castro. I’m sure that you’ve heard of MHR so I won’t bother describing it. I didn’t so much make a rational decision to return to the church as much as I just started attending MHR and one day realized “Well, I’m home.”

I actually got into Ken Wilber by way of Centering Prayer. One of Father Keating’s books gave a favorable mention to Wilber. I was initially a little dubious but I’m increasingly impressed. I have some remaining reservations (mainly around elitism) but Wilber’s framework seems really useful for anyone with a serious spiritual practice.

After reading Soulfully Gay and checking out your website I’m curious about why you haven’t sought out a parish like MHR or a group like Dignity. Any thoughts?

In the Spirit,
John D.

Dear John,
For your question, as you know I wrote extensively in Soulfully Gay about my relationship to institutional Christianity over the period of 2003 to 2004. Like you, it seems I’ve concluded that it’s more practical for me to embrace and deepen my appreciation for the tradition of my upbringing rather than look exclusively to non-Western traditions.

However, I define the tradition I was raised in as Christian, not just specifically Roman Catholic. Therefore, I’ve not confined my search for a home parish just to Roman Catholic circles. Indeed, given the sorry leadership in the Roman Catholic branch these days, I’m afraid I would just be too embarrassed to return to the RC Church in good conscience.

Any church I join will be flawed and have its own issues. But I really want a church I can feel proud of and welcomed by. I don’t think the RC is an option for me.

In any event, I expect to be officially welcomed into the Episcopal Church later this year. it’s just taken me this long to go through the process of figuring out the right direction and institutional approach to religion that suits me.

I respect that others can make different decisions with regard to the Roman Churh than mine, but I would find it impossible to respect myself and still actively support an institution in such dire need for reform and so adamantly opposed to reform. I’ll always feel a kinship with the Roman Church in my heart, but fond memories are not enough to justify a church membership that I would find beyond the pale of my conscience.

Technorati Tags: Soulfully Gay