You might defend your actions by noting how harshly Jesus spoke to the religious leaders who imagined they owned the truth. But, let’s be clear: you aren’t Jesus. What gives you the right to claim truth? And worse, if you listen closely, you might hear in your own voice echoes of the same religious leaders Jesus excoriated.

It is time for each of us to stop sounding like we own the truth. And just so you will know, as I so arrogantly write these sentences, I fall to my knees (at this moment, I bow my knee, even as I write), and ask for forgiveness, and God’s grace, and for the truth of Christ to emerge despite my cold heart.

Some of you will say, when a human right is at stake, stake a claim. I’ve heard that argument, and I’ve heard the comparison to slavery and civil rights. First of all, not all homosexual behavior is about human right. Indeed, I’m still waiting for apologists to stop lumping all homosexuality into the same pail, as though all homosexual behavior activity is acceptable. At the least, we can and should agree that some homosexual activity is patently unacceptable, just like some heterosexual activity is patently unacceptable.

To be sure, a human right may be at stake, and if so, a claim is worth staking. However, I’m looking for those who will promote the cause like Abraham Lincoln promoted freedom to slaves. He agonized over the division of the Union. He prayed passionately before issuing the Emancipation Proclamation, and he genuinely lamented the fracture of the Union and absolved the South at the end of it all.

To the homosexuals among us I would say, Isn’t patience in order? After all, how long did it take you to come to terms with your own sexuality? Can you reasonably expect heterosexuals to make the transition faster than you did?

Others of you will say sin is sin, and God says homosexual behavior is sin. I’ve heard that argument, and I’ve heard that God won’t bless the Church that condones egregious sin. Okay. Why is it, then, that we don’t talk about more popular forms of sin: cheating on taxes, adultery, fornication, or – watch out, here – keeping holy the Sabbath? [footnote 2] Even if you are right, and all homosexual behavior is sin (a discussion worth continuing for many reasons, but not here), the issue shouldn’t split the church, unless you’re ready for the Church to split over these other issues, as well. I’m looking for honesty among the more conservative among us, an admission that, for the most part, Scripture is being manipulated to hide prejudice—plain, good, old-fashioned prejudice (a/k/a homophobia). It is time to own it.

Some parts of this sound quite a bit like my own writing for the gay community in Rising Up, if you ask me. However, before I chime in with “amens” (and they’re coming), there are a few problems worth stressing with this screed. I’ll mention two.

I’m looking for those who will promote the cause like Abraham Lincoln promoted freedom to slaves. He agonized over the division of the Union. He prayed passionately before issuing the Emancipation Proclamation, and he genuinely lamented the fracture of the Union and absolved the South at the end of it all.

Abraham Lincoln was not black. He was not a slave. He was a privileged white man. To expect gays to wrestle with homophobia in the churches like Lincoln did with the slaves really is a bit much. Expect that from the heterosexuals in the church. For gays, the more pressing issue is healing from homophobia, a healing which may or may not be able to take place within the structure of antigay churches. That’s why I reject also the call:

To the homosexuals among us I would say, Isn’t patience in order? After all, how long did it take you to come to terms with your own sexuality? Can you reasonably expect heterosexuals to make the transition faster than you did?

Patience is only the order for some. Healing is the order for all. That’s a healing that may be messier than the self-styled critics like Rev. Rob are ready for. I for one believe that for many wounded by heterosexism and homophobia their healing will not occur within the Christian churches, and silencing their anger and pain is not an option. A call to patience in this context is pouring salt on a wound, just as telling an abused wife to go back to her violent husband and have patience is a sin against her spirit. Before I would urge patience, I would urge gays called to disciple Jesus to find healing spaces free from further spiritual violence. Then, after the wounds have begun to heal, there will be plenty of time for patience. 

Now, an important amen. Rev. Rob is absolutely correct that not all “homosexual behavior” or “heterosexual behavior” is worth approving. And if it weren’t for the taint of prejudice that infects traditional condemnations of the former, it would be much easier for all sides to agree that sometimes exercising moral judgment is a necessary part of life.

Unfortunately, Rev. Rob’s language betrays his own cause. Speaking of homosexual behavior when one doesn’t ordinarily speak of heterosexual behavior (have you ever heard that term used before?) is patronizing and obfuscatory. What do you mean, Rev. Rob? Anal sex, is that it? Sucking cock? Cunnilingus? Anal rimming? Fisting? Dog collars and leashes? Would you please be more specific in what you are calling homosexual behavior so this potentially fruitful conversation can occur. Somehow I don’t think you are talking about such “homosexual behaviors” as hospital visitations? Sending mother’s day gifts? Dropping off the kids at school? Greeting a partner with a kiss and “I love you”? Crying over a partner’s pain? Rejoicing in a partner’s happiness? Are these the “homosexual behaviors” that you want to disapprove of, Rev. Rob?

Make no mistake. “Calls to love” the homosexual as neighbor will need to move beyond the current dichotomies and the patronizing triangulations of Rev. Rob. A call to love must recognize the theological significance of gayness grounded in a recognition of homophilia as an integral and valuable part of universal human nature, and a respectable, valuable, and honored calling for those moved by God to embody homophilia in loving and responsible relationships. Ultimately, all authentic religions and philosophies and modes of life must respect the divine attribute of self-immanence and the human drive of same-directed love as integral parts of human nature, or suffer the inevitable pain of conflict, harm, and separation from God.