“You have AIDS.”

“No. Like all labels, they tell you one thing, and one thing only: where does an individual so identified fit in the food chain. In the pecking order. Not ideology. Not sexual taste. But something much simpler. Clout.” — from “Angels in America” by Tony Kushner

Technorati Tags: Angels in America, HIV/AIDS, homosexuality, labels

“You mess with us, and you wake up with a condom on your house.”

Technorati Tags: activism, Gay, Helms, HIV/AIDS

Let’s talk about sexuality, spirituality, and the AIDS epidemic. I’ll be a member of a discussion panel of religious leaders, community leaders, activists, and authors meeting July 10th from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Capitol Hill Library in Seattle.

The forum is sponsored by the Absurd Reality Theatre, the group putting on “Angels in America: Millennium Approaches”, the award-winning play by Tony Kushner. The panelists will use Kushner’s “gay fantasia on social themes” as a springboard to discuss the place of the gay community and persons living with AIDS in contemporary American spirituality.

Technorati Tags: HIV/AIDS, Kushner, spirituality

Thank you for visiting my Weblog. To longtime visitors, I’m glad you’re back!

Over the past 20 months, a string of successive health challenges have kept me from working in the way that I used to take for granted. Work on my book and screenplay has stalled, and even my blogging has been quite sporadic. I’ve been preoccupied with much more fundamental concerns than expressing my creativity, and that has truly sucked.

Only a year ago, I was in dire straights in the hospital with about 30 T-cells, opportunistic infections, and the surprise onset of diabetes. I was forced to cancel all my out-of-town travel to publicize my brand new book, Soulfully Gay (Integral Books/Shambhala, 2007).

Well, my health has remarkably improved since then. I am deeply grateful to my friends and family for their support, my doctors for their wonderful care, and Merck & Co., Inc. , for creating drugs which have literally saved my life. Overcoming these various challenges has left me feeling more grateful, more blessed, more sensitive, and perhaps more compassionate and committed to life than ever before.

That’s why I’m now taking steps towards resuming work. I’m priveleged to be able to spend my time doing writing that I love, not any old job that pays the bills.

I’m getting back into the groove with blogging. You’re looking at my new Weblog, now titled eponymously. Its contents will certainly change over time to reflect my current interests; however, as with my previous three blogs, this space is committed to expressing and exploring what it means to have an integral outlook on life.

As I psyche myself up for blogging again on nearly a daily basis, I find that my attitude is dramatically changed this time around. Over the past years of frequently crappy health, I had to force myself to sit down before my computer and struggle for enthusiasm and mental clarity. For the first time in a long while, I feel ready to write with a spirit of equanimity and joy. Ready, set, go!

Yours truly,

Joe

P.S.: I’ve been blogging on and off since 2003. But I’ve never been the sort of blogger who likes to keep his archives publicly available forever. I have yet to hear a complaint, so I’m keeping with my longstanding practice of wiping the slate clean of my old posts. The truly dedicated reader can always search the Internet archive.

I intend to post some of my old blogs’ “greatest hits” here over the next few months. When I recycle a post, I’ll make a note of its original publication date.

P.P.S. (July 5, 2006): Since writing this post, I have miraculously discovered a way to transfer self-hosted Blogger posts (which have no “export” feature built-in) to self-hosted Wordpress blogs. Damn I’m good. I have therefore added the archives of one of my old blogs, Whole Writing, to this one. Unfortunately, I discovered the magic trick too late to do the same sort of transfer for my other blogs. So now joe-perez.com has some archives! Very cool.

Technorati Tags: health, HIV/AIDS, Joe Perez

Topic: Undetectable.

What do I mean by undetectable?

I am undetectable. I am me again. I am pure in blood. The virus within me has gone away. The tests tell me that my virus is fading and my immune system is begining the slow ascent back towards health. (breath) (deep breath) (deeper breath) It sinks in. Let it in.

The power. The frenzy. The crashing of cymbals. The playing of trumpets. And a light in the darkness, a sound of music filling the air. Life goes on. The train wreck averted. Confidence rebuilding. A sense of renewal. A sense of… Avoiding?

Renewal and undetectable. What do I know about renewal and undetectable? I know hope. I know hope is renewed and lost again. I fear that if I take in my hope, my wonder at a new life, possibilities restores, a future … if I let in the love at the door, the wolf comes in too. Avoiding?

Wolf and undetectable. A lost sheep. The flock of sheep are grazing in the meadow. The howling of a wolf. One sheep goes missing. One sheep goes undetectable. The sheperd looks for the sheep long and hard, but it nowhere to be found. The howling of a wolf. Undetectable is not vanquished. Out of sight is not necessarily out of mind. Gone is not banished. The sighting could be restored: will it be the lost sheep? or will it be the wolf at the door? Avoiding?

Topic: Undetectable and door. Opportunity. This moment is one I can grasp hold of and say, Peace! Let us have Peace! Let us move forward now, me and the undetectable virus, waiting for its opportunity to gain foothold. Can we call a truce? Can we settle into this comfortable place with an agreement? Can I say to you, virus: I will take care of myself, and my health. I will take my meds. I will honor my body. I will get fitter and stronger and love myself more. I will do more work in the world to prevent disease and strengthen communities with hope and stories of renewal. I will work to bring change to the world, spreading hope to those who have none, bringing affordable HIV health care to those who cannot afford the drugs that are keeping me alive. Can I share this vision in my heart of what undetectable means. Will you share with me your stand? HIV, will you speak?

I am HIV. I am within you. Avoiding?

Avoiding and you. What do I know about avoiding and you. I, HIV, am avoiding you. I am broken. I cannot do the one thing I know. The tick-tick-tick of the clock. The RNA reproducing. Tick-tick-tick. The tick stops. Tock. Tick-tock. I’m still here. That’s what I want you to know. You can make me hide, but I wont’ go away. I am not you. I am not One. I am separate. You cannot make the separation go away. Separation is part of who you are. You are not One. You are Separate.

I am Me. I am Joe. I am Self. I am not HIV. I am not Separate. I include HIV, but I transcend it. I hear its voice, and I listen. but it is not my only voice. It is a whisper in the blood. It is a trace of a footstep in sand as tidal wave approaches to wash away the sand to a distant shore. Forgotten. But never totally. I cannot forget. I cannot cure myself of the disease of memory, a disease of separation and illness. Without illness, I forget the meaning of health. HIV lives within me as a memory, and with God’s help, I dare ask, I dare pray, HIV lives within me ONLY as a memory, a cautionary tale to love myself more, take care of my body, and feel myself grow in love for all things. Avoiding?

Love and undetectable. Love is not a box or a flower or a meal or a festure. Love is not a smile or a caress or a ring of gold. Love is not visible, love is not detectable by the objective world. Yet its power over us is strong. Its power over me is strong. Avoiding?

Topic: Undetectable. Power. What do I know about power and undetectable? There is strength in weakness. There is glory in meekness. In illness we find our health. Health, too, like illness, is undetectable.

Technorati Tags: HIV/AIDS, writing