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    Joe Perez is a writer striving to take Integral approaches to issues in ordinary life, culture, politics, sexuality, and spirituality. A graduate of Harvard University and The Divinity School at the University of Chicago, his books are Soulfully Gay (Integral Books, 2007) and Rising Up (Lulu, 2006). Read more...

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  • Archive for the ‘Whole Writing’ Category

    Whole Write: We are all Eucharists now

    Monday, July 7th, 2008

    A stream of consciousness meditation …

    I sat down and ate.

    Avoiding?

    Eating. And Spirit. What do I know about eating and Spirit? Spirit eats the world. Spirit consumes all, a monster making atoms and electrons into a feast, trillions of tiny particles like so much what germ, so many grape nuts, so many grains of wheat, so many — I see a meal composed entirely of tiny grains of sand — like oatmeal, llike cream of wheat, the world is the grain in the bread of the mill of time, and Spirit the eater of the fantastic meal of the universe. Stars for lunch, the galaxies for dinner, and the universes as a bedtime snack. Not just a billion stars, or a trillion galaxies, or trillion trillion universes, but the total of all stars that ever were, and the trillions that are yet to be, the galaxies birthed countless eons ago and galaxies to be born egos from now.

    The universe offers itself to Spirit as a sacrifice. Take me, it says. Feed on my flesh, for then we shall live once more in you.

    Avoiding?

    I am not who I think I am. I am every thing that I have ever ever eaten. So much soda pop and candy, so many chickens, so many cows, so many ears of corn, so much Gaia, so much world. So much, it’s beyond my reckoning. Though I say that it is knowable. The number of things that I have consumed to make me what I am, an eating machine, a consuming machine that eats to live, and also simply to have my pleasure. The rodents that are cut by the blade of the tractor that cut the corn that made the biofuel that runs the bus that I will ride today. If we could see a record — a toll of all that we have killed, all the death — if we could see what we have done…

    Mass murderers are more than honest than us. The ones who collect trophies from their victims. The soldiers who add a notch to their belts for every enemy soldier they have slain. They are the honest ones. They know that they are killers. That is who they are. They kill, everything kills, everything hurts, everything dies, and in this arising time … could we stop killing for just one moment?

    Could we run into a cave? Could we waste away? Could we refuse food, medicine? Could we? Could we make ourselves pure? Could we run away from the killing that we do, from the dying that we do, from the pain of existence?

    Even then, locked alone in a cave, eating not, wearing no animal fur for a blanket, shivering in the cold. Even then, we kill. Even then, we die. We kill Time. We kill our future, our possibility, our ability to transform the world into a better place.

    Or is that wish only illusion? That is a very old paradox.

    Avoiding?

    If we starved ourselves in a cave, killing nothing, do we kill the future? Do we kill the possibility of a more liberated world? Do we do nothing … or do what? What we can? Everything we can?

    Avoiding?

    The answer is yes. We are killers who do not … who are not … it is not “I” who kills … It is not the “I” who dies. I do not kill the future. No choice I can make Now can possibly kill the future. I am the Future, Now. And I will be, am, and have already been, eaten, redeemed, million billion trillion times over. We are all Eucharists now, though not all who are the Body see, not all who are Christ know, not all believe.

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    What do I mean by "involution"?

    Thursday, June 26th, 2008

    Originally posted on August 19, 2007. Note: Most of this post was originally composed via a method of stream-of-consciousness writing called a Whole Write. Be on the alert that there are a few moments of letting my shadow out to dance. Read at your own risk.

    John wants me to define involution. So I wrote this.

    What do I mean by involution? What can’t you guys get out a fuckin’ wikipedia or get out a fuckin’ dictionary? Oh, I suppose you want my definition. Well, since you asked … Any moron can see that involution is the metaphysical process by which the Absolute or God or Brahman involves itself in creation through a series of manifestations, generally regarded as a sequence of stages of enfolding. Evolution is the opposite of involution, so generally what we know about involution is by inference: it is what evolution is NOT. In terms of concepts within time, evolution may be fruitfully viewed as a process of emergence out of the Spirit, so you can say involution took place before evolution. On the other hand, you can also say that involution does not take place within time and therefore it makes no difference whether involution precedes or follows evolution or occurs simultaneously.

    Got that? If you don’t, I’m not surprised. It’s rather abstract to me, too. And apart from placing involution within the context of a fully fleshed out metaphysical edifice such as Sri Aurobindo’s, it’s tough to really speak about involution and come away feeling satisfied. It’s easier for me to feel like a moron. And yet I feel called to speak about involution because it’s part of my own process of self-discovery and self-realization. Metaphysics is a layer of abstraction, an overlay, that attempts to interpret personal religious or spiritual experience. (As I use metaphysics, it’s always provisional–my best effort at explanation within a plethora of socially and culturally created contexts.) For example, I may have a sense of connection to nature, for instance, and this may show up as the belief that Nature with a capital N or Gaia with a capital G is a mystical Oneness which is not separate from the self with the little s. You probably do something like that, even if you don’t call what you do metaphysics.

    If you’re trying to wrap a layer of theory around evolution — and that’s what the 20 tenets of all holons is — that’s what Integral theory is all about — that’s the perennial philosophy and most of theology in general whether it knows it or not — then in large part you’re trying to make sense of your own holistic development: the various processes that led you from where you were as an infant to where you were as a toddler, then a child, then a school age kid, then a teenager, then a young adult, and then an adult, and then a middle-aged adult and then… Evolutionary theory is, in large measure, an attempt to grasp the process of development. So involutionary theory is, at least for me, an attempt to grasp the process of regression.

    Have you ever regressed? Really regressed? Have you ever let the torrents of madness and the tsunamis of irrationality overcome you, destroy you, and leave you for dead? Have you ever been such a danger to yourself or others that you could not be trusted to take care of yourself minimally? Have you ever lost it, really really lost it? Have you ever watched Psycho or One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest or A Beautiful Mind and said, you know Anthony Perkins or Jack Nicholson or Russell Crowe’s performance is really good, but it’s not quite like that in real life? It’s like this. Madness is…

    Have you? Well have you?

    Have you felt yourself as an infant? A fetus? A sperm? An egg? A womb? An atom? An electron? A quark? How far, how deeply, how intensely have you sensed the interiors of matter? You know it’s possible, don’t you. That’s why you are comfortable by speaking about “involved matter”. Because you’ve been there, felt it, breathed in the electricity and the subtle currents of sound, light, and vibration …

    Have you ever woken from a dream and wished to all hell you could get back into the dream somehow, someway? To see a lost love? To raise the dead? To recover your youth? To feel your passion, your sex?

    Have you ever looked at your body aging? Have you ever seen it decay, decline, fall away into an unrecognizable person? Have you ever seen your muscle waste away, or your hair fall out? Have you shrunk, shriveled, pruned with age?

    The question isn’t whether you’ve regressed, but how. How have you regressed? How have you fallen backwards in your spiritual journey? How have you lost enlightenment and stumbled into the maya and stayed there? How have you lost your recovery in a long, dark relapse? How have you forgotten who you really were? How have you lost track of your true nature? If you’re trying to grasp involution and you haven’t yet really wrestled with your own experiences of regression, then you will get nowhere. Go back to the textbooks and the definitions and the metaphysical formulations.

    As for me, I’m still working on understanding involution from the inside out. That’s because I believe that I have touched my true nature — and it was a crazy, mad, psychotic fool, a paranoid, delusional, weirdo — and that it was not separate from the Godhead, the Absolute, the Spirit of All. (How could it be? If you subscribe to any notion of nonduality whatsoever. Doesn’t God go crazy? How could He not?) And then, having touched that space, I fell out of space and time and suddenly ordinary perceptions of “reality” had no bearing on me. Miracles happened. The world lost form. Time moved backwards. Time stood still. Time skipped around. The world and my mind and time were all wrapped up in a fantastic maze of my own design, and I was a lost seeker journeying in the dark on the adventure of a lifetime. An adventure that I would be lucky to survive.

    There is a point that is forgetting of who-you-are in the service of who-or-what-you-might-and-must-become.

    There is a point when you have recovered a memory and are, for an instant, holding both the reclaimed memory and that which is forgotten, together. You are both forgotten and reclaimed.

    There is a point where synthesis looks back at antithesis and almost, but not quite, becomes antithesis.

    There is a point where an actor loses herself in her role utterly and becomes invisible, forgotten, unconscious.

    There is a point that is the letting go of Godhead for the relative world of illusion, willfully and knowingly giving up Absolute for a mad, crazy dash at freedom.

    Evolution is the copying of DNA millions upon millions of times, in the hope and sincere wish for mutation. A mutation that could maim, kill, sterilize, destroy. And must, millions upon millions of times over. All for the sake of that glorious mutation that takes Spirit in the direction of novelty and joyous self-discovery. Because evolution is boring. Evolution as reproduction is predictable. It’s the mutation, the Agape, the homophilia, the perilous and dangerous mutation, which brings the excitement.

    But you already know this. There is a point which occurs when you walk in the footsteps of mutation, OUCH! or WOW!, and say: Ahhhhhh, I remember this. I remember this. This… changes everything. This expands me. This is new.

    The point of which I speak is the Cross where involution and evolution meet, a juncture that is made possible (for me) by faith, a gift on my journey towards an even Higher Reason than I have yet known. Faith, sheer faith. Faith that the new realization awakens my slumbering Self to the lurking Spirit, Faith that I am walking on the bleeding edge (for me) of Spirit’s self-knowledge. Not yesterday’s enlightenment, but today’s, right now’s is-this-enlightenment? when it feels like yesterday’s enlightenment pushed to a new and scary place. That’s why I get angry when I’m asked to define involution. You’re asking me to justify my faith. Fuck you. My faith has no justification that could convince you. I cannot bring you to the beginning of time or the end of time and say, “there you go”. Proof at last of the metaphysical conception.

    Hell, I can’t even bring myself there. Involution does not take place in time; it must be encountered tentatively as if through a mirror. And to encounter involution is to taste death, to become what you have already been, surpassed, and to lose yourself in the process. I must be forcibly taken there. My reality must be raped. I can only go there, if I choose to go at all, by a process of remembering what I have forgotten, seeing the magical signs and allowing them to open me to the morass. I don’t go there very often, if I can help it.

    So instead I would invite you to stop worrying about the definition of involution and start exploring, if you want, your experiences of regression. Make sense of them. How did they elevate you? How did they destroy you? What secret messages were hidden in their logic that gave you a weird feeling of deja vu? Look at deja vu. Look at synchronicity. Look at the prerational and the irrational and the Lord-knows-what rational (if your ego isn’t too big to let you). You’ve been there before. You know you have. Some ineffable part of you — some long forgotten part of you — has been there before, exactly, and is there right now, and will be there again. If you think you’ve tasted enlightenment and you have not tasted involution, then think again. Asking about regression is as good a way as any I know for getting in touch with that You. It’s a fast way, good if you’re in a hurry. But it’s not the only way, and maybe a particularly dangerous and risky way, but it works. Discover involution for yourself, if you dare.

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    What do I mean by “hiatus”?

    Tuesday, June 17th, 2008

    Whole Writing is a form of directed stream of consciousness writing that is intended to expand awareness of the self and its worldspace. The product of the practice is a Write, a piece of writing following a formal six-step technique of (1) inquiry, (2) response, (3) cue, (4) engagement, (5) return, and (6) reflection.

    Topic: Hiatus.

    Avoiding? What do I know about avoiding hiatus? It’s a contradiction in terms. Avoiding hiatus means working, getting over procrastination, getting past blocks, overcoming obstacles, getting back on track. Getting back into my Whole Writing practice. … Avoiding?

    What do I know about my Whole Writing practice and avoiding? It’s easy to avoid something that seems difficult, that makes me remember, try to remember, try to do something right. There are wrong ways to do a Whole Write. Rules to follow. Problems to avoid. I don’t want to subject myself to the pressure. I don’t want to encounter resistance, to feel anxious.
    I want to be able … free … Avoiding?

    What do I know about able? I am worried about being able to do the Writes like I used to do. Funny, how it strikes me now. I don’t feel at my best. I worry about the result. I worry about showing the world my writing when it sucks. I worry about reaction, rejection, failing to meet standards, expectations, worried about disappointing others. Being worthy. Avoiding?

    What do I mean by worthy? Worthy to shine, worthy to be, worthy to be recognized, to be affirmed. What do I know about affirmed? Praised. Loved. Cared for. Recognized. To be told: you matter, you make a difference, your life isn’t a mistake, your life isn’t a tragedy, isn’t a hard luck story without redemption. Avoiding?

    Redemption. What do I know about redemption? I don’t feel particularly redeemed at this moment. I want to be free, I want to … what do I want? Avoiding?

    What do I know about wanting? Wanting … wanting to be empty. Wanting to be free. Wanting to be … longing, desiring, noticing the attachment, feeling the clinginess, the burn, the drift, the de-centering, the heavy breathing, the sighing, the stretch of tight muscles in my chest and abdomen. Wanting, wanting, wanting… What do I know about wanting?

    I … I think of [something I heard on the TV today about] Brad Pitt. Angelina Jolie said everything he wants, he gets. Sometimes I feel like that’s how I operate my life. Much of the time, too much. I give in, I satisfy, I take, I grasp, I reach out, I stress out, I max out, I consume, I tear, I stretch. I don’t want to be this way. Avoiding?

    What do I know about being this way? I don’t feel redeemed. I want to be redeemed. “As a Christian.” As a Christian, I know I am “already redeemed”. But when you don’t feel that way, what do you do, what do I do, what do I do when I don’t feel redeemed? When I don’t feel worthy? When I don’t feel justified? Like I matter. Like I am loved by God. I … I … Avoiding?

    What do I know about God? God … Love, connection, being One, knowing my Union, knowing my partness. Partness. What do I mean by partness? Part of a whole. Not a whole. Desiring, wanting, clinging. To be always a part, always a whole. To be a paradox.

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    A whisper in the blood

    Wednesday, May 16th, 2007

    Topic: Undetectable.

    What do I mean by undetectable?

    I am undetectable. I am me again. I am pure in blood. The virus within me has gone away. The tests tell me that my virus is fading and my immune system is begining the slow ascent back towards health. (breath) (deep breath) (deeper breath) It sinks in. Let it in.

    The power. The frenzy. The crashing of cymbals. The playing of trumpets. And a light in the darkness, a sound of music filling the air. Life goes on. The train wreck averted. Confidence rebuilding. A sense of renewal. A sense of… Avoiding?

    Renewal and undetectable. What do I know about renewal and undetectable? I know hope. I know hope is renewed and lost again. I fear that if I take in my hope, my wonder at a new life, possibilities restores, a future … if I let in the love at the door, the wolf comes in too. Avoiding?

    Wolf and undetectable. A lost sheep. The flock of sheep are grazing in the meadow. The howling of a wolf. One sheep goes missing. One sheep goes undetectable. The sheperd looks for the sheep long and hard, but it nowhere to be found. The howling of a wolf. Undetectable is not vanquished. Out of sight is not necessarily out of mind. Gone is not banished. The sighting could be restored: will it be the lost sheep? or will it be the wolf at the door? Avoiding?

    Topic: Undetectable and door. Opportunity. This moment is one I can grasp hold of and say, Peace! Let us have Peace! Let us move forward now, me and the undetectable virus, waiting for its opportunity to gain foothold. Can we call a truce? Can we settle into this comfortable place with an agreement? Can I say to you, virus: I will take care of myself, and my health. I will take my meds. I will honor my body. I will get fitter and stronger and love myself more. I will do more work in the world to prevent disease and strengthen communities with hope and stories of renewal. I will work to bring change to the world, spreading hope to those who have none, bringing affordable HIV health care to those who cannot afford the drugs that are keeping me alive. Can I share this vision in my heart of what undetectable means. Will you share with me your stand? HIV, will you speak?

    I am HIV. I am within you. Avoiding?

    Avoiding and you. What do I know about avoiding and you. I, HIV, am avoiding you. I am broken. I cannot do the one thing I know. The tick-tick-tick of the clock. The RNA reproducing. Tick-tick-tick. The tick stops. Tock. Tick-tock. I’m still here. That’s what I want you to know. You can make me hide, but I wont’ go away. I am not you. I am not One. I am separate. You cannot make the separation go away. Separation is part of who you are. You are not One. You are Separate.

    I am Me. I am Joe. I am Self. I am not HIV. I am not Separate. I include HIV, but I transcend it. I hear its voice, and I listen. but it is not my only voice. It is a whisper in the blood. It is a trace of a footstep in sand as tidal wave approaches to wash away the sand to a distant shore. Forgotten. But never totally. I cannot forget. I cannot cure myself of the disease of memory, a disease of separation and illness. Without illness, I forget the meaning of health. HIV lives within me as a memory, and with God’s help, I dare ask, I dare pray, HIV lives within me ONLY as a memory, a cautionary tale to love myself more, take care of my body, and feel myself grow in love for all things. Avoiding?

    Love and undetectable. Love is not a box or a flower or a meal or a festure. Love is not a smile or a caress or a ring of gold. Love is not visible, love is not detectable by the objective world. Yet its power over us is strong. Its power over me is strong. Avoiding?

    Topic: Undetectable. Power. What do I know about power and undetectable? There is strength in weakness. There is glory in meekness. In illness we find our health. Health, too, like illness, is undetectable.

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    The Head Lopper ride closed today in AbortionLand

    Wednesday, April 18th, 2007

    Topic: Abortion

    What do I mean by abortion … How long has it been since I felt a pregnant woman’s tummy? My sister, maybe? Sixteen or seventeen years, perhaps. A cousin at a family reunion in the meantime? Perhaps. It’s been too long. I feel something special when I imagine that life grows inside another human being. Being a man, it’s hard for me to relate. Being a single and gay man, it’s very hard for me to imagine myself as ever having the experience or being the father of the life inside a person. But that’s such a special connection, something I think every human being can relate to. If I can relate to the experience of carrying a child, anyone can.

    Topic: abortion. Abortion and carrying a child. What do I know about abortion and carrying a child? Not much! No personal experience with which to draw. But I know it’s an important issue for our society, for our world. It’s the defining social issue of the last 30 years of public discourse around religion, values, morality, and law. It’s… avoiding?

    Topic: abortion. Abortion and law. The Supreme Court’s decision today. I know about that. Haven’t read the ruling yet, but I will. Until now, I’ve just been processing my feelings around the decision. Angry protesters march, say the evening news. Countermeasures will be taken by Democratics and the progressive movement throughout the land, hoping for political change. But I don’t share their anger.

    Avoiding? Anger and abortion. What do I know about anger and abortion? I’m a little angry, but not really mad, fighting hard, marching in the streets angry. I have a favorable opinion towards the ruling today. I’m glad that an inhuman, inhumane medical procedure will no longer be used on thousands of young human beings. I’m glad that our laws have recognized both a vital right to certain decisions regarding abortion along with respect for the democratic process of setting reasonable constraints over the use and misuse of the procedure.

    But I’m a little angry that Justice Kennedy used the hated term “abortion doctors” in the ruling.

    I’m a little angry that women and progressive men are trashing the ruling as a dangerous setback, understanding little about its narrow scope and applicability, using feeble slippery slope arguments that score no punches.

    I’m a little angry that this emotional issue divides our country, needlessly in so many respects.

    I’m a little angry … Avoiding?

    A little angry and abortion. What do I know about a little angry and abortion? I feel the pain of the fetus.

    I feel the anger he or she must feel as the hard metal clamps burst open its head or dismember it, piece by piece, in the womb. If the fetus were a dying person, at least God help it, it might go out of this world with pain medication. Someone might “put the person to sleep” with a shred of dignity. But for the fetus, nothing. Only PAIN BLISTERING PAIN HORRIFYING TERRIFYING AWFUL PAIN PAIN PAIN LIKE A BOMB PAIN God damn, THIS IS THE WORLD? THIS IS LIFE? That’s what the fetus must be thinking/sensing. “Even” an animal would be sensing pain. Fish feel pain when they’re caught on the hook.

    I imagine myself as the young, developing human fetus. I’ve been conceived… I’m growing… I’m developing… I can sense feeling in my part, the little toe thingees, the little finger thingees, the little beating heart, and in my little body I feel little emotions. I feel betrayed. This is MY life. Who are you–Mother–to snuff me out? Who are you, WORLD, to invite me into your loving presence and then snuff me out?

    You got a doctor’s permission slip for your “procedure” do you? How exactly is your health supposed to be harmed by my coming into the world? Will you die? If so, I’m truly sorry. Kill me. Will you have to postpone your Bahama vacation which will cause you undue mental stress which will lead to depression so your psychiatrist says your health will be harmed and you can do whatever you like and call it a medical procedure. Avoiding?

    Medical procedure and abortion. What do I know about medical procedures and abortion? I know that about 1 million fetuses are aborted every year in America. And yet according to the most recent statistics, there were only about 2,000 partial birth abortions. The medical procedure outlawed by the US Supreme Court impacts not 20% or 30% of the abortions, but 2% or 3% of the abortions. The direct impact of the ruling today will probably be negligible, statistically speaking. (I’m inclined to think that’s a good thing, this being a democratic society and all. But that political debate is a whole other can of worms.) However, today the signal was sent from the US Supreme Court–the interests of the fetus cannot be trampled over in the rush to protect some supposed slippery slope down to AbortionLand. Avoiding?

    AbortionLand and abortion. What do I know about them? America: AbortionLand. The Supreme Court announced today that the Buzz Saw Off Head ride is closed (at least temporarily), but the main attractions are still open and awaiting new visitors. The Thrill Ride of Gradual Piece-by-Piece Dismemberment is still open. You can ride free anytime you want in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, but after that you’ll have to check back. Its future availability may be limited during the peak summer vacation season.

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    I have to work on being more phony. My life may depend on it.

    Tuesday, April 17th, 2007

    Topic: Laughter

    What do I mean by laughter? My doctor wants me to laugh more. I NEED to. It’s supposed to help with the symptoms of my chronic pain.

    When does it hurt? she asked. When does it not hurt, I want to reply?

    I say: When I distract myself. That’s when I expected her to say that I should distract myself more. But no, she says: yes, and when you are distracted, aren’t you finding yourself laughing.

    It’s true. Laughter distracts me. Laughter lightens me. Light… Avoiding?

    Topic. Laughter. What do I know about light and laughter? I want to feel light; I want to laugh. But my skin just is too painful. My body blisters, cracks, peels, flakes, bleeeds, itches, and generally feels so uncomfortable I can’t stand to be me. All the time. This has been going on, to one degree or another, for six months. But if it’s not this, it’s another issue.

    Avoiding? Topic. Laughter.

    I avoid laughing. Because I … want to feel the pain? That doesn’t sound right. Avoiding?

    Pain and laughter. I don’t feel pain when I laugh.

    My doctor says I can induce laughter even if I don’t feel happy or joyful or want to laugh. Even if nothing’s funny. Then we sat for a while and did the hee-hee-ha-ha-ho-hos in the office. She showed me that it’s possible to make my body go through the motions of laughter, and begin to change my state conscioussly.

    I guess I already knew that; it’s simply Mind-Body Interaction 101. Changing states of consciously by directing consciousness towards our statement of mind, and thus producing a greater mind/body synergy. Sounds good. And hearing my doctor talk about the importance of laugher somehow makes it more legitimate.

    Avoiding? … But I don’t WANT TO! Why not? Something about authenticity. Something about damn authenticity. And misery feels very natural to me. Something about pain seems real; something about doing the he-he-ha-ha-ho-hos seems phony.

    I have to work on losing my authenticity. I need to be more phony. My life may depend on it.

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    What do I mean by prayer?

    Monday, April 16th, 2007

    Topic: prayer

    Prayer. What do I mean by prayer? Not contemplation. Not meditation. Not sitting quietly. Not praying in a liturgyQ/LR. But private, individualQ/UR, UL prayer.

    “God, if you’re up there…” “God, I want…” “God, help me…” “God, who are you?” “God, are you out there…”

    Prayer as a conversation… Avoiding?

    Topic. Prayer. Conversation. What do I know about prayer and conversations?

    I remember an old friend, an evangelical Christian who always seemed so certain about God and Christ. But we got to know each other really well, and then we told me, “sometimes I talk to Jesus and…” (as if he were revealing a deep dark secret) “I don’t know if it’s real or not.”

    “Maybe I’m making it all up,” he said.

    Prayer and conversation. How do you have a prayer with someone who may or may NOT be there? Do you have to “believe in God” to pray?

    What strikes me tonight is that prayer and conversation require and presuppose the existence of the other party. I want to bracket questions of metaphysics for a while.

    Prayer is speaking aloud to The Universe, the Higher Power, Spirit. And allowing Spirit to find its intersubjective context within and beyond you. Prayer is talking to Jesus, yes, but Jesus is Spirit. And Spirit is within and beyond you. Jesus is the ground from which you have all conversations….

    Avoiding? Ground. What do I know about prayer and grounding?

    When my feet are planted on the ground, I feel more secure. I feel in balance. At one with myself and the world in the plain, ordinary sense that I’m not dizzy and floating and unable to gain a perspective. I get a perspective. Grounding means taking a perspective.

    Taking a perspective and prayer. In prayer, we ground ourselves by making Spirit an object to our (limited sense of) self. This establishes an explicit intersubjective contextQ/LL. Then, within that intersubjective context, we find Spirit and become grounded in it.

    What better way to ground one’s self in Spirit than actually speaking aloud to Spirit. Talk to God. Listen to Jesus. Be in the spirit of the living Christ.

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    New mission statement

    Sunday, April 15th, 2007

    As of today, this blog has a new mission statement:

    An experimental notepad, sketchbook, and playspace in cyberspace. The good, bad, the raw, and the ugly. It’s about the evolutionary process, not the content. Explorations of stream-of-consciousness, holistic, psychadelic, and other Kosmic styles.

    I’m still working out the kinks in this change in how I blog. The basic idea is (A) if it’s about gay spirituality, it goes in the GS&C group blog (that’s the easy one!); (B) if it’s a considered, edited and well-crafted (IMJ) article or similar item, it goes into Until; (C) if it’s anything else, from my latest thoughts about my forthcoming Great Books and Great Screenplays to a napkin doodle, then it goes to Whole Writing. Some posts may cross the boundaries, so there could be some cross-posting going on.

    As a writer, I claim Whole Writing as a place where no notion is so half-baked, raw, unfiltered, or unshaven that I can’t find a home for it.

    This is my recycling bin and trash can.

    It’s okay for this blog to suck. Don’t like it? Click.

    If I don’t feel like blogging for a few weeks or months, there are no deadlines to keep or public expectations to betray. No substitute teachers. No announcements.

    I don’t care who reads this stuff or what they do with it (but just in case I pen something extraordinary, please don’t rip me off and claim it as your own–that’s what the “little c” gets for writers, btw).

    This blog isn’t planned as “family friendly” or “workplace safe”. Read at your own risk.

    Heck, I may as well be writing Whole Writing for an audience of one (and judging from my website stats, it looks like I am). The point of WW is process, not content. The audience is who it is (and isn’t who it isn’t).

    Welcome (once again) to Whole Writing!

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    What do I mean by Whole Writing?

    Saturday, April 14th, 2007

    Topic: Whole Writing

    Here I am again. Doing a Whole Write. I’m sitting at my computer. Some classical music plays in the background. My vanilla candle is “on”. My computer screen is visible from a few feet away. I am ready to go. I am ready to do a Write on the topic of Whole Writing.

    What do I mean by Whole Writing? … Avoiding?

    Whole Writing. I mean that Whole Writing is a technique of using writing as an integral and spiritual practice. The contemplative side of Whole Writing, that is, the spiritual modeM/13B, is just part of the equation.

    Whole Writing is really an outlook on writing that identifies all the various stages, modes, and levels of expression and attempts to harmonize them all. It says to the writer: Look, THIS is what you’re doing right now. If you want to be more comprehensive and complete, you’ll open your eyes to see that there are other valid ways of writing.

    The contemplative Write is part of this picture, since it’s usually not the way most people write. Even writers who do stream-of-consciousness rough drafts aren’t quite contemplating contemplation in the way that I want to talk about. Contemplation means really digging in and finding out what you have to say to yourself, other people, the world, and to God or Spirit.

    Contemplation means being in your mind, body, and spirit with whatever comes up and allowing it to find an expression. And then it means resting for a while with one’s authenticity. And finally, it means reflecting systematically on one’s expression and how it fits into the world you (think you) live in.

    Markup (the boxes and colors and squiggles) can be an important tool for the reflective part of a contemplative Write. Whole Writing is really agnostic towards the style of markup you want to use. However, I recommend using markup that makes sense of the world in a reasonably coherent and comprehensive way.

    But you don’t need to do a Four-Quadrant, AQAL-compliant, Kronology-adapted markup routine every time you do a Whole Write. (That would take forever.) Instead, do a Write about sex and then look at the masculine and feminine, or heterophilic and homophilic, tone and assumptions behind the various words and phrases that you use. Then markup your Write by using symbols or colors to denote the differences between your inner MarsT/m and your inner VenusT/f. It can really be that simple.

    Avoiding?

    Whole Writing. What do I know about Whole Writing? Whole Writing isn’t just for contemplatives. It is a way of looking at any form of writing and teasing out the relationships between the text and various contexts (say, the writer and the world). Whole Writing allows writers to bring more of themselves into what they write … and more of the world … and, perhaps most importantly of all, more Spirit.

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    President Bush’s state of the union 2007, a Whole Writing critique (part 3 of 3)

    Saturday, April 14th, 2007

    Note: Originally posted on January 24, 2007. The colorization scheme is slightly out of date; however, it’s a close enough match to my current preferences as to be worth a look.

    Following is a transcript of US Senator Jim Webb’s Democratic response to President George W. Bush’s State of the Union address for 2007, including Whole Writing markup. The Whole Writing method employs Kronology, a 12-station model of human nature and development based on the AQAL Integral Framework. The text of the address is displayed in white; Whole Writing markup is displayed in multiple colors; and my commentary is displayed in turquoise.

    We have seen that President Bush’s State of the Union speech contained values rhetoric often appealing to Democratic-friendly Station 5 (and rarely, Station 6) political approaches framed in terms of the Republican-friendly values orientation of Station 3 and Station 4. His overall concerns and strategies were dominated by values at Station 2, Station 3, Station 4, and Station 5 with an average center of gravity at approximately Station 3.75.

    Senator Web’s speech begins with a personal note evoking conventional political rhetoric of patriotisml/9, L/3 and economic prosperityl/9, L/4.

    Good evening.

    I’m Senator Jim Webb, from Virginia, where this year we will celebrate the 400th anniversary of the settlement of Jamestown — an event that marked the first step in the long journey that has made us the greatestl/9, L/3 and most prosperousl/9, L/4 nation on earth.

    As Senator Web turns to policy concerns, he highlights the domestic issues of energy independence, economic well-being, and other middle-class concernsQ4, l/9, L/4. Then he evokes keywords and buzz-phrases such as “sharing (i.e., redistributing) wealth,” “alternative energy,” and “fair trade,” that are commonly associated with the yellow, green, and teal value frameworks.

    It would not be possible in this short amount of time to actually rebut the president’s messagel/9, L/3.75, nor would it be useful. Let me simply say that we in the Democratic Party hope that this administration is serious about improving education and healthcare for all Americans, and addressing such domestic priorities as restoring the vitality of New Orleans.

    Further, this is the seventh time the president has mentioned energy independencel/9, L/4 in his state of the union message, but for the first time this exchange is taking place in a Congress led by the Democratic Party. We are looking for affirmative solutions that will strengthen our nation by freeing us from our dependence on foreign oill/9, L/2, and spurring a wave of entrepreneurial growthl/9, L/4 in the form of alternate energy programsl/9, L/6. We look forward to working with the president and his party to bring about these changes.

    There are two areas where our respective parties have largely stood in contradiction, and I want to take a few minutes to address them tonight. The first relates to how we see the health of our economy — how we measure it, and how we ensure that its benefits are properly shared among all Americans. The second regards our foreign policy — how we might bring the war in Iraq to a proper conclusion that will also allow us to continue to fight the war against international terrorism, and to address other strategic concerns that our country faces around the world.

    When one looks at the health of our economy, it’s almost as if we are living in two different countries. Some say that things have never been better. The stock market is at an all-time high, and so are corporate profitsl/9, L/4. But these benefits are not being fairly sharedl/9, L/5. When I graduated from college, the average corporate CEO made 20 times what the average worker did; today, it’s nearly 400 times. In other words, it takes the average worker more than a year to make the money that his or her boss makes in one day.

    Wages and salaries for our workers are at all-time lows as a percentage of national wealth, even though the productivity of American workers is the highest in the world. Medical costs have skyrocketed. College tuition rates are off the chartsl/9, L/5. Our manufacturing base is being dismantled and sent overseas. Good American jobs are being sent along with theml/9, L/2.

    In short, the middle class of this country, our historic backbone and our best hope for a strong society in the future, is losing its place at the table. Our workers know this, through painful experience. Our white-collar professionals are beginning to understand it, as their jobs start disappearing also. And they expect, rightly, that in this age of globalizationl/9, L/6, their government has a duty to insist that their concerns be dealt with fairly in the international marketplacel/9, L/7.

    The Democratic response to the State of the Union address evokes historical analogies to drive home additional themes stressing yellow, green, and teal values. Senator Web expresses the philosophy that government should step in to regulate capitalist markets in the interest of aiding the poor in entering the middle classl/9, L/5 (e.g., by raising the minimum wage). Instead of highlighting narrowly partison rhetoric, Webb justifies government intervention in markets on the basis of an Integral approach of flexibility within the flow of multiple value frameworks (e.g., “get the right things done, for the right people and for the right reasons.”)

    In the early days of our republic, President Andrew Jackson established an important principle of American-style democracy — that we should measure the health of our society not at its apex, but at its base. Not with the numbers that come out of Wall Street, but with the living conditions that exist on Main Street. We must recapture that spirit today.

    And under the leadership of the new Democratic Congress, we are on our way to doing so. The House just passed a minimum wage increasel/9, L/5, the first in ten years, and the Senate will soon follow. We’ve introduced a broad legislative package designed to regain the trust of the American people. We’ve established a tone of cooperation and consensusl/9, L/6 that extends beyond party linesl/9, L/7. We’re working to get the right things done, for the right people and for the right reasonsl/9, L/7.

    With respect to foreign policy, this country has patiently endured a mismanaged war for nearly four years. Many, including myself, warned even before the war began that it was unnecessary, that it would take our energy and attention away from the larger war against terrorism, and that invading and occupying Iraq would leave us strategically vulnerable in the most violent and turbulent corner of the worldl/9, L/2.

    Although Senator Webb doesn’t explicitly appeal to many amber values in the policy section of the speech, he uses personal statements to highlight amber-altitude concerns with family, virtue, patriotism, and national servicel/9, L/3.

    I want to share with all of you a picture that I have carried with me for more than 50 yearsQ/2, l/3, L/3. This is my father, when he was a young Air Force captain, flying cargo planes during the Berlin Airlift. He sent us the picture from Germany, as we waited for him, back here at home. When I was a small boy, I used to take the picture to bed with me every night, because for more than three years my father was deployed, unable to live with us full-time, serving overseas or in bases where there was no family housing. I still keep it, to remind me of the sacrifices that my mother and others had to make, over and over again, as my father gladly served our country. I was proud to follow in his footsteps, serving as a Marine in Vietnam. My brother did as well, serving as a Marine helicopter pilot. My son has joined the tradition, now serving as an infantry Marine in Iraq.

    Like so many other Americans, today and throughout our history, we serve and have served, not for political reasons, but because we love our countryl/9, L/3. On the political issues — those matters of war and peace, and in some cases of life and death — we trusted the judgment of our national leaders. We hoped that they would be right, that they would measure with accuracy the value of our lives against the enormity of the national interest that might call upon us to go into harm’s way.

    In the final sections of the speech, Senator Webb occasionally invokes red, amber, and orange values and repeatedly invokes green values. He also twice notes the importance of performing a sort of “moral calculus” to arrive at the wisest approaches to public policyl/9, L/7. In discussing war concerns, Webb offers a formula for justifying war based on teal, orange, amber, and indigo values. He employs an Integral calculus when he cites historical examples of presidents who took the “right kind of action, for the benefit of the American people and for the health of our relations around the world.”l/9, L/7.

    We owed them our loyalty, as Americans, and we gave it. But they owed us — sound judgmentl/7, L/8, clear thinkingl/7, L/4, concern for our welfarel/7, L/3, a guarantee that the threat to our country was equal to the price we might be called upon to pay in defending itl/7, L/9.

    The president took us into this war recklessly. He disregarded warnings from the national security adviser during the first Gulf War, the chief of staff of the army, two former commanding generals of the Central Command, whose jurisdiction includes Iraq, the director of operations on the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and many, many others with great integrity and long experience in national security affairs. We are now, as a nation, held hostage to the predictable — and predicted — disarray that has followed.

    The war’s costs to our nation have been staggering. Financiallyl/9, L/4. The damage to our reputation around the worldl/9, L/3. The lost opportunities to defeat the forces of international terrorisml/9, L/2. And especially the precious blood of our citizens who have stepped forward to serve.

    The majority of the nation no longer supports the way this war is being fought; nor does the majority of our military. We need a new direction. Not one step back from the war against international terrorism. Not a precipitous withdrawal that ignores the possibility of further chaos. But an immediate shift toward strong regionally-based diplomacyl/9, L/5, a policy that takes our soldiers off the streets of Iraq’s citiesl/9, L/6, and a formula that will in short order allow our combat forces to leave Iraql/9, L/6.

    On both of these vital issues, our economy and our national security, it falls upon those of us in elected office to take action.

    Regarding the economic imbalance in our country, I am reminded of the situation President Theodore Roosevelt faced in the early days of the 20th century. America was then, as now, drifting apart along class linesl/9, L/6. The so-called robber barons were unapologetically raking in a huge percentage of the national wealthl/9, L/2. The dispossessed workers at the bottom were threatening revoltl/9, L/2.

    Roosevelt spoke strongly against these divisions. He told his fellow Republicans that they must set themselves “as resolutely against improper corporate influence on the one hand as against demagogy and mob rule on the other.” And he did something about it.

    As I look at Iraq, I recall the words of former general and soon-to-be President Dwight Eisenhower during the dark days of the Korean War, which had fallen into a bloody stalemate. “When comes the end?” asked the General who had commanded our forces in Europe during World War II. And as soon as he became President, he brought the Korean War to an end.

    These presidents took the right kind of action, for the benefit of the American people and for the health of our relations around the worldl/9, L/7. Tonight we are calling on this president to take similar action, in both areasl/9, L/7. If he does, we will join him. If he does not, we will be showing him the way.

    Thank you for listening. And God bless America.

    In conclusion, we have seen that Senator Webb’s response to the President’s State of the Union speech contains policy approaches often appealing to Democratic-friendly Station 5, and Station 6; however, he employs largely orange, amber, and red rhetoric to frame his message. His overall concerns and strategies reflect an average center of gravity at approximately Station 5, a level emphasizing the role of community in elevating market forces to bring them more into harmony with widely-held values such as economic fairness. Even more promising is the Democratic Senator’s nods to truly Integral approaches involving flexible and fluid decision-making, complex and balanced leadership, and multi-tiered solutions to global problems.

    When comparing and contrasting President Bush’s speech and Senator Webb’s speech, bear in mind that it is not necessarily the case that a Station 3.75 approach is “worse” or “inferior” to a Station 5 approach. Although the Democratic response clearly evidences a relatively higher, more evolved, approach to domestic and foreign policy matters, it remains considerably less than “fully Integral.” [Edited to add: In my view, the goal of a political speech is not to be "fully Integral"; however, a political speech can reflect a worldview that is more closely Integral because it integrates messages, values, and policies from a variety of "lower altitude" stations. Contemporary public policy does not reach an Integral expression in its implementation; however, policy can be based on more or less Integral approaches. It is very important to note that while it is generally true that a more Integrall/9, L/7, L/8, L/9 the policy, the better; however, it is NOT true that "higher altitude" policies are "better" than "lower altitude" policies. An Integral approach stresses flexible and appropriate applications of a variety of values and worldviews, not an elitist, indiscriminate preference for policies based on "higher altitude" values ]Another way of highlighting the similarities and differences between the Republican and Democratic approaches is to examine their basic style or type. In Kronology, Station 4 (Repubican) AscendingMasculineFixed is characterized as masculine, Ascending, and fixed. Station 5 (Democratic) AscendingFeminineMutable is seen as feminine, Ascending, and mutable. Both political parties share a common orientation towards bringing values and principles to bear in raising the national character (Ascending type). Republicans tend to be more focused on the maintenance of the status quo (i.e., fixed type) whereas Democrats tend to seek more flexible and balanced solutions to problems (i.e., mutable type). Another key type difference is one of agency v. communion. Seen from this angle, party differences are largely a Mars/Venus, male/female thing. The Republican type tends to focus largely on masculine or agentic styles of achieving its goals; however, the Democratic type speaks in a more feminine and communanitarian voice.

    Judging the “better” or “superior” politics is not simply a matter of weighing values based on a comprehensive evolutionary model; rather, the best judgments will assess the values flexibly based on an evaluation of the relative suitability of Republican v. Democratic values in the solution of specific problems facing our nation at this point in time. If society faces problems best handled at a lower rather than higher Station, then there may be much to recommend leadership offering solutions more suitable for the national challenges. Additionally, a truly Integral approach will look beyond the valuesQ/3, l/9 expressed in the speech to the wisdom of concrete economic and political agendas for reformQ/4, l/9.

     

     

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