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Ken Wilber on the Marc Gafni controversy: “Honor all the parties and let them get on with their lives.”

October 7, 2011 By

Dog Barking (Credit: Cuddlesandpaws.com)

Ken Wilber issued a statement today on the Marc Gafni controversy which is an invitation for all of us to reach for our highest capacities for ethical and spiritual discernment, and a plea not to jump to conclusions based on our shadow projections and blogosphere-manufactured distractions.

Wilber observes that bloggers in the blogosphere have been confusing their own interpretation of facts with the facts, and he quotes the proverb: “One dog barks at a shadow, and a thousand dogs take it for reality.”

Ken’s statement includes this:

The recent blogosphere explosion was set off by a statement made by Tami Simon of Sounds True, and not by public complaints or allegations made by the women involved. In the course of Tami’s statement she states bluntly, “I do not trust Marc Gafni.” And she cancelled the planned publication of his book with Sounds True. Naturally, any statement like Tami’s (or mine) arises from a complex context. There are factors in all four quadrants which are complex and evolving, and often invisible to the public eye. I have reason to hope that Tami and Marc will at an appropriate point resume their friendship and find their way. That is up to them.

One of the women involved has written a public statement which painted a positive picture of her relationship with Marc. I want to recognize and honor that. The second woman has opted for the equally noble road of personal privacy, and chosen not to work out private interpersonal issues in the blogosphere. I want to recognize and honor that as well.

The problem with situations like this one is that several different issues get mixed in together and all treated as one, making decisions very difficult…..

The same is true in this situation, which is subject to a great deal of complexity. First, many people in the blogosphere have conflated current relationship issues with past issues instead of, as I just suggested, each relationship being explored in its own right and its own time. And folks just seem to be confusing “facts” with their “interpretations of facts,” which, when mixed with the aforementioned conflation, result in ethical adjudications that either lack a clear factual basis or are based on non-factual information and often emotionally reactionary interpretations alone. Shadow elements are very common—and as a proverb has it, “One dog barks at a shadow, and a thousand dogs take it for reality.”

As I said, Marc has some very positive capacities in each of these issues and he has some problematic factors in each of them as well, as most teachers do. As always, each person has to make these decisions for themselves by carefully considering each issue, the risk factors, how each risk factor was handled by both parties, then the overall sum total of the risk factors in the total relationship. Blanket statements that these relationships are always wrong or always right help nobody….

Read the whole thing.

Ken Wilber also says that he’ll have more to say about the situation and those like it in the next 90 days.

DEVELOPING…

UPDATED: KEN WILBER’S FINAL STATEMENT ON THE MARC GAFNI CONTROVERSY 2011

The board of directors of the Center for World Spirituality recently made a public statement, conveying their support for Marc Gafni as a leader and teacher in the Center.

Earlier, in a post on the Integral Life website, I have commented on the situation that developed several months ago in the blogosphere.

I acknowledged in that post that Marc, like most great spiritual teachers and pundits, has great gifts as well as human complexity. I pointed out that everyone must make up their own mind as to whether they want to work with Marc, or to be his student.

I am writing to share that, for myself, I have made up my mind. I am rejoining the Wisdom Council of the Center for World Spirituality, to which I invited many of my colleagues to participate.

I look forward to future work with Marc in articulating and evolving the contours of a World Spirituality based on Integral Principles.

Some of my reasons for wanting to work with Marc are contained in letters I co-wrote with Sally Kempton in 2008. However, there is one piece I want to add. I am working with Marc, not despite this last blogosphere explosion but rather because of his reaction to it.

What impressed me most about Marc’s response to this situation is that though he might well have felt justified in feeling angry or hurt about what happened, by and large he focused on asking for all feedback from every possible source on why this happened. He wanted to know, at a deeper level, how he might have contributed to it himself, and what he could do to help remedy the situation and any part he might have played in this. Most astonishingly, for a spiritual teacher, he included in this list—in order to make it truly comprehensive—a search for a great therapist that he might see. He made a serious and widespread search for a therapist, and finally found an incredibly competent and highly respected one—and signed up.

This was not because he necessarily needed therapy, but simply that he told himself he was going to cover every base and make a truly comprehensive and inclusive search for any approach that might help address the situation. He was, in other words, doing whatever necessary to cover any shadow elements, should they be present. I know of extremely few spiritual teachers that would do this—that would be committed enough to their own integrity to include all possible angles, and then genuinely follow through on it. This, to me, is an indication of a genuine spiritual teacher, one dedicated to working on himself no matter how “embarrassing” it might appear to others. On this issue, even his critics will have few if any grounds for complaint at this point. Even they have acknowledged that he is, in many ways, a very gifted spiritual teacher, and this recent move simply makes him an even more gifted teacher, in my opinion.

Speaking personally, I feel that any shadow issues that Marc, (like most spiritual teachers), might have are now being actively and genuinely addressed. I repeat that I know very few spiritual teachers who have the guts to do this, and my hat, for one, is off to the gentleman.
This move also gives me confidence that Marc can and will continue to make a good spiritual leader for the Center for World Spirituality. Every spiritual teacher, in my opinion, should be doing some sort of shadow work, but Marc is one of the very few whom I know that is actually doing it. This is indeed, in my book at least, very impressive.

So, I hope everybody out there can join me in wishing Marc the very best in this sincere inner work—or, at the least, congratulate him for being determined and integral enough to decide to cover all the bases and then actually do so. In many spiritual traditions, forgiveness is a path to God, and I know Marc has worked hard to forgive any insults—real or imagined—that he recently received, and perhaps it is appropriate for others also to work to forgive any insults—real or imagined—received from Marc. In this atmosphere of loving-kindness, care, and forgiveness, we can all get back to this incredibly important work of Integral Spirituality.

Ken Wilber
Winter 2011

UPDATED: FINAL STATEMENT OF THE SPECIAL COMMITTEE OF THE CENTER FOR WORLD SPIRITUALITY ON THE MARC GAFNI CONTROVERSY 2011

A Statement of Unequivocal Support, from a Special Committee of the Board of Directors for the Center for World Spirituality, in Response to Attacks directed against Marc Gafni, D.Phil. in the Blogosphere During September 2011:

We, the undersigned, do without any reservation whatsoever, support Marc Gafni, D.Phil as a teacher and leader of the Center for World Spirituality. We find it unfortunate that the blogosphere has become a place where allegations are made, and where rumors, distortions and simple untruths are so easily spread, all without the benefit of finding of fact.

We have done due diligence on this matter. Among us, we have spoken several times to those directly involved in the events referred to in blogosphere posts during Sept 2011. We have gathered all the relevant subjective and objective information possible under these fragmented circumstances. So it is with genuine confidence we give our full support for Marc Gafni. We trust Marc’s leadership and remain solidly convinced of his integrity, especially as he faces the challenges of leading a change movement in a world characterized by fear. Further, each of us personally recommends Dr. Gafni to any organization, church, synagogue, spiritual or cultural center, or to any context which seeks to benefit from his teachings.

The Center for World Spirituality remains fully committed to its consciously creative mission under the joint stewardship of Dr. Gafni and the circle of board members, colleagues and students who have stepped up to lead. We know Marc to be an inspired teacher, a visionary leader, a human being engaged in life with an open heart and a passionate creativity. That passion, along with a remarkable intellect, and a deep formation in one of the world’s great spiritual traditions, moves him to a profound understanding of the human condition and the movements of Spirit unfolding within and around us.

We look forward to the years ahead as Marc’s creative insights into the Unique Self, World Spirituality, and the Enlightenment of Fullness, unfold into a corpus of written works, and as they come to greater expression through the world wide gatherings which make up the Center for World Spirituality.

Signatories:

Rev. Samuel G Alexander, M.Div., Barbara Alexander, M.A., M.Div., Mariana Caplan, Ph.D., Chahat Corten, Wyatt Woodsmal Ph.D., Marty Cooper, Warren Farrell, Ph.D*., Heather Fester Ph.D., Tom Goddard Ph.D., Leon Gras, Sally Kempton, Heather Ussery-Knight, Victoria Myer, Dr. Gabriel Cousens, MD, PhD, Kathleen J. Brownback, M.Div., MBA

Dr. Warren Farrell also added his own personal statement in this regard.

To Whom It May Concern,

This is to express my unequivocal support for Marc Gafni, D.Phil as a teacher and visionary leader of the Center for World Spirituality. In my work with him as a friend, co-facilitator of content, and Board member of the Center, I find him to be one of the world’s truly extraordinary men. He blends integrity with skills of leadership, vision, creativity, and charisma. He harbors a renaissance intellect and comprehension of history, religion and spirituality–and harnesses that into the hearts and souls of those whose hearts are open and whose souls are wise enough to be deepened.

Marc Gafni is one of the world’s change agents. Virtually all change agents, whether Martin Luther King or Gandhi, will be subjected to attempts at assassination–character assassination and sometimes literal assassination. Unfortunately, the internet has allowed such attempts to be magnified when aimed at a leader’s character. This propensity of people without vision to try to ruin the person rather than challenge the ideas has long been with us. As Mark Twain put it, “A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.” With the internet, a lie can travel all the way around the world while the truth is finding its shoe.” In the process, it is easy to lose the message of a visionary leader.

Marc continues to make a commitment to lead; I for one, am making a commitment both to continue co-creating with him and to never allowing myself to be sidetracked by those whose feel it is easier to kill the messenger than create a more visionary and informed message.

Warren Farrell, Ph.D.

UPDATED: FINAL STATEMENT OF MARC GAFNI ON THE BLOGOSPHERE CONTROVERSY 2011

Hi Everyone,
I hope this note finds all of you well and thriving in all of your worlds.

Today, I am writing a brief note of closure in regard to the blogosphere explosion of a few months back. The core of what I want to tell you is contained in the last couple of paragraphs. If you want to cut to the chase, you are welcome to scroll down to the paragraphs titled What is My Response and Responsibility.

But, first, with your permission, let me cover some general contextual points. These are important to provide an Integral all-quadrant context for the major point of this blog post below, without which the last section might be subject to inappropriate interpretation.

A special committee of the CWS board of directors has already posted a public statement about these events, and circulated a more detailed private statement for anyone who needed more information. I thank the board for their unequivocal trust and support. I want to thank not only the board but my entire circle of close friends and students who support me today. There are representatives in my inner circle of heart and work from literally every stage of my life. My own evolution has taken me from jewish orthodoxy to more progressive ethnocentricity to World Spirituality. I am deeply honored and gratified to have close friends, students and supporters from every stage of the journey.

I will not be entering into a point-by-point discussion of the events behind the stories. What I will say here is that a great deal of distortion, misinformation, behind-the-scenes manipulation, and outright untruth appeared in many of the statements and comments posted in some blogs. Active behind the scenes were some of the same folks who, over the years, have supported the ongoing dissemination of false complaints, interpretations and characterizations of my actions. (See Mariana Caplan’s article on False Complaints which gives some of the background.) Others used this particular circumstance to accomplish their own “political” ends, always of course under the fig leaf of more virtuous motivations. Shadow can never admit of itself so it always pleads other motives.

So it is fair to say, as is often the case, the actions and motivations that truly moved the blogosphere explosion arose in all four quadrants and were virtually invisible to the public. To share it all in depth as a way of exposing the injustices that occurred is tempting, but it would not serve the greater good in the long term. Said simply, on many substantive levels how this went down was outrageous and wrong. And it is no less true that making people “wrong” rarely opens a path to healing and transformation.

On a heart level, I want to share that there are people who were involved in this who I have loved in the past and love today. I miss them and hope that at the right time and place we will find the path to a higher rapprochement.

In terms of my core response today, I have opted to focus my energy and love on the movement for World Spirituality based on Integral principles. That said, a detailed four quadrants private report was given to the leadership of the special committee of the CWS board that reviewed the situation.

Internet Discourse
Most of us are aware by now of how Internet discourse operates. As Jurgen Habermaas, Lee Segal, and other discerning readers of culture have noted, the blogosphere is a place where anyone can say anything, with no professional or ethical accountability required. As a result, devastating accusations are routinely and carelessly thrown about. Often, as in this case, no attempt is made to hear all sides, or even to check facts. As Ken Wilber has pointed out, there is often gross confusion between facts and interpretation of facts. Too often, as a way of propagating slander without being held responsible, the identity of someone posting comments on a blog is hidden under a cloak of anonymity or a pseudonym. It is all too easy for one person to post under a number of pseudonyms to create the impression that his or her opinion is widely shared. This has been the case in many of the blogposts that appear on the web about my personal life. Even when blogging is not anonymous or pseudonymous, the writer’s personal agendas in all four quadrants remain effectively hidden. In short, the blogosphere makes unchallenged character assassination far too easy.

Some spiritual teachers and other public figures choose to ignore the websites or blogs that attack them. Others have engaged in extensive refutation. However we choose to respond, these issues affect anyone in the public sphere whose private life is easily made public. Human relationships are complex enough as they are. The blogosphere unfortunately becomes a context where they become distorted, magnified, exaggerated and lied about through the agendas of others—all without any genuine accountability.

The Transparency vs. Privacy Question
That said, some substantive issues and opportunities for clarification have been raised by these events, especially about the issue of privacy vs transparency in personal relationships between spiritual teachers and members of their community. I have already written extensively about this in an earlier blog post on Privacy and Post Modernism and an article on Sex Ethics and Injury.

There are situations in which holding privacy is legitimate and even necessary. (In fact, even those who have spoken out for transparency in this situation are themselves engaging in decisions of privacy in regard to aspects of their own personal relationships, motivations, self-protective or ambitious agendas, or other key contextual facts, persons, and drives which motivated their actions or statements in this situation.) In many arenas of life—therapeutic, financial, and legal, for example—privacy is an essential part of an agreement made between parties; breaking confidentiality is a violation of the intended good, and is regarded as unethical. When two people are dating, especially in the early stages of a relationship, holding privacy is simply a way of ensuring that the relationship is allowed to mature before being made public even to one’s own circle. There is nothing ethically transgressive or ‘secret’ about this kind of privacy. People have a right to make mutual decisions about when to share a personal relationship, as well as with whom and at what stage to share it.

That said, these events demonstrated to me that it is usually not a good idea for a public figure to hold his or her personal dating relationships privately. First, because, by definition, it necessitates a certain amount of dissembling. Second, because, as I have come to realize more deeply, sometimes even when the privacy is mutually and lovingly agreed upon, some people may still come to find it psychologically painful to hold. Third, holding privacy about a romantic relationship may create alienation in other relationships in both people’s circle of intimates.

If I am ever at a crossroads again where I need to consider privacy vs. transparency I will factor all these issues into the equation in a new and deeper way. And then I will – in a loving and mutual way – make a joint decision about how to proceed. I want to be fully transparent at this point however that I am making no grand or sweeping declarations for transparency over privacy. They are both important values in many spheres of life and it would be bad heart and bad mind to dogmatically and simplistically value one above the other in any absolute sense. The one thing that I will promise is that, to the best of my ability, my public teaching and private action will be consistent with each other

Paths of Engagement
It is also worth noting that my own belief is as follows: neither monogamy nor polyamory nor celibacy are in and of themselves ‘the’ ethical or appropriate path for a spiritual teacher. Any of these paths can be engaged ethically, lovingly, and with commitment and integrity. On the other hand, any of them can be engaged in a way that is destructive and disrespectful. There are many married teachers whose marriages are a sham and whose current relationship dynamics are neither good nor true nor beautiful. And there are non-monogamous teachers, whose personal and often privately held love relationships are good, true and beautiful.

I believe that some form of conventional monogamous marriage is preferable for many, –though not all–people at many, –though not all–stages of life. Clearly the gay community has something to say about all of this. And shifting lower structures of society have something to say about this. And love is evolving in many surprising ways. At the core of things, it is not the external form that is essential in love, but the interior face of that form. Having said that, the external form is highly relevant. We just cannot be dogmatic and try and make – in a fundamentalist way- one core external form, fit all people.

Let me state formally that if in the future I enter into a monogamous commitment, then I will honor it and live in it to the fullest. If that is the right path for me then I will enter into it with full delight and even ecstasy. If I do not enter into that path, and choose to love from a different place, then I will enter into that path with full delight and even ecstasy. If that is the case then it is not impossible that at some point I will date women who are in my circle. If that feels uncomfortable to someone in principle that it might not be wise to join my circle of teaching.

All the above was written to provide an all-quadrant context for the main point of this blog post.

What is My Response and Responsibility?
When there is a crisis or difficulty in anyone’s life, there are always factors involved in all four quadrants. However, after explicating these factors and recognizing the full extent to which distortions occurred, the questions that still remain for any individual must be, “Is there a way that I contributed to this?” “Is there a way that I was not sufficiently developed or aware?” “Is there something that is in my purview to evolve, something that may have contributed to the conditions that created the difficulty?”

No matter how others may have behaved—and even when one’s own actions have been distorted or even lied about—the fact remains that our power and capacity to transform any scenario for the good lies in the way we respond. I have often said to myself and students that even if one has only X% responsibility in a situation, (or contribution system, as I have called it), one must take 100% responsibility for that X%.

However, in answering these questions, we have to be extremely diligent and careful. In today’s climate of “new age” spiritual-growth thinking, there is a certain seductive hubris which urges us to take responsibility for factors and circumstances that are clearly beyond our control and purview. One must exercise discernment and care in taking on only appropriate responsibility–no more and no less than is accurate. It is an abuse of one’s own personhood to take on too much responsibility. For the false characterizations and egregious claims that have been reported, I take absolutely no responsibility. I had full right to date the people I dated and to hold the relationships privately, and I stand by this right and the essential ethics behind my actions. Even as I would not do it this way again.

At the same time, I have felt an obligation to ask how my own internal “stuff” might have contributed to the outcome.

I am engaged in a process of on-going self-inquiry and inner work. I believe that this is the invitation and obligation in any pivotal moment of a person’s life. It is a special necessity for a spiritual teacher who invites people to their own highest evolution. To this end, a major part of my internal response to this blogosphere explosion has been to seek feedback from colleagues and spiritual friends who I invite to challenge me and engage me in the process of inner work.

I will continue to do this inner work, I would imagine, indefinitely. The unfolding of a World Spirituality based on Integral Principles is a serious responsibility. If there is anything in my consciousness which needs to evolve in order to better serve the evolution of this dharma as well as the people I care about in my personal life, then it is my privilege and obligation to engage my own evolution with every possible tool of human development. To challenge myself, to deconstruct old patterns, to go deeper than what seemed possible yesterday, and to hopefully model for my circle a path of growth and evolution along all lines of development–this is the core path of response I have chosen.

In my source lineage, Kabbalah and Hassidism, one of the great masters of Chabad chassidism, known as the Rebbe Rashab, went at a particular point to work with Freud about issues in his own development. His disciples hid the record of this encounter thinking that somehow it tainted his spiritual attainment. Recently a gifted Habad adherent who is also a world renowned psychoanalyst, Joseph Berke, came across the records and published an important article about the encounter between spirituality and psychology at their best. In this tradition I have engaged a professional mentor.
After reviewing the reasons why I was correct in what went down, I then asked him the following question. What, if anything am I missing that perhaps you can see clearly with your tools that I cannot see with mine? To do so is my core obligation and honor. It is both my obligation and privilege to explore this path as part of my response. An obligation to myself, to my source lineage of kabbalah, to the future emergent lineage of an evolutionary world spirituality based on Integral principles and to all of my students and supporters of the vision.

To know more deeply every day the faces of interior and exterior reality and live more fully as love, that is evolving both outside and inside: this is my delight and my commitment.

Marc Gafni
Center for World Spirituality

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About Joe Perez

Author of books including Soulfully Gay, one of the first memoirs in the tradition of World Spirituality based on Integral principles. Director of Communications and Scholar-in-Residence at the Center for World Spirituality. Blogger since 2003. Arctophile and ailurophile. A little bit country and a little bit "part and whole."