The Wily Magician’s Best Secrets Revealed, Part 1

protectionRule #1. The typo is the greatest teacher of truth and partiality for any writer, and in the process of properly correcting the typo the attentive Magician can perform amazing feats of shadow elimination.

I first started noticing my typos, really really noticing them around 2005. There’s a longer story here, but it’s not important. Basically what I found unbelievable, incredible, extraordinary is the finding that it seemed I could not create a typo without revealing something important, valuable, if I took notice of it. Whatever I typed and looked at, there was a meaningful order, often an unintended one. The typos were lining up, marching on a road to guide me on an extraordinary adventure.

You don’t have to be in an altered state of consciousness to appreciate the lesson I am now offering regarding typographical “errors”. The lesson, put simply, is to attend to any apparent typo and ask relevant questions to understand why your conscious mind resists the correct letter, word, or phrase. Hold awareness on it until an answer offers itself, and then later attend to whether the typo has corrected on its own accord.

Do this and you are well on the way to becoming a powerful Magician. The point is not to become a person who doesn’t make typos (or mistakes in general), but to become a person more in alignment with their words, a person whose words serve him/her well. As part of a broader strategy for eating shadow, this is fantastic growth work. To make the most of it, you will need to know why it is that you carry certain traumas connected to language, so you can study the way that these subtle traumas continue to impact you, and even harm you.

A typo is a symptom of  letter trauma, sound-shape trauma, and/or word trauma, some re-arrangement of language in a way that suggests possible routes for remediation of the wounds. The letters are themselves like gods or devils, and they will trick you or give you drama.

“No sir,” says the Magician’s inquisitor. “A typo is merely a random, meaningless thing. I meant to type the letter J but I hit the letter H because I was working fast and acting carelessly. The keys are close on the keyboard. It doesn’t mean anything.”

That is true enough, I say. In a long night of dreams, some dreams are more meaningful and memorable than others. In a long session of typing, some typos are much more useful for shadow work than others. But we must affirm the principle that it is appropriate to learn from our mistakes and do shadow work upon the typos that call out to us. A typo is calling out to you if you make it repeatedly, or if you proofread a document and it remains unseen. A typo is calling to you if you get a queasy feeling about the look or sound of particular letters or letter constellations.

Trust me, this is a secret that can carry you far. In a mystical sense, you are discovering that you are Logos, Incarnate Word of God, and your conscious mind is not the only author … there are a multiplicity of authors within you which are trying to express themselves if they can, if you will let them. And there is the Logos itself, I tell you, coming to learn about itself through your writing. Language is evolving through you, and if you come up with a new phrase you can perhaps advance the course of language’s evolution. Don’t assume a typo is necessarily incorrect. It is there to remind you that you cannot think of certain concepts or entities without being unable to fully express your own conscious mind. Perhaps this is because this concept is flawed and needs to be discarded; perhaps you err because you cannot think of it clearly without wanting to run and hide.

Let me give you an example. Yesterday I wrote a blog post which expressed for the first time in words a traumatic incident I experienced, actually a combination of experiences in which I suffered delusions and, blocked by these terrible delusions, inserted a finger into my ear until it bled. I remember the sight of blood on my fingers, and later trying to hide my hands from the jail guards so they would not know that I had harmed myself physically. I had been put into a padded cell in isolation and I couldn’t bear the thought of returning there. I connected the image of bloody fingers, my ears, and fear of being found out, and the felt need to keep a secret … and my body and mind held on to these connected memories and images. So when I wrote about the experience for the first time publicly yesterday, I made a typo which I didn’t see even after reading the piece a few times. (I wrote “earlobe” instead of “ears”). My mind was not willing to let me see the problem. I could not face it. I was still working to keep a secret. The terror was too great, so a part of myself substituted a word which was less threatening. I caught the typo and corrected the word, but this was not the end of the healing work.

Later in the evening, I went out to a bar and ordered a drink. I noticed something for the first time: a sign immediately adjacent which said, “Ear Protection Available Here”, along with several ear protective devices available. (I had been in this bar many times, but this was the first time I noticed the sign. The bartender later told me that the sign had been there for over a year.) The word “Protection” stood out to me; it shone itself to me. There were two O’s in the word, one on each side, like ears on the side of a head. On the front O, the letters “Pr” which can mean “Positive” in Lingua-U; on the back O, the letter “n” which can mean “Negative”. It was a good image. The word appeared to me as a gift (from the spirits). My attention came to it tonight when it hadn’t on any previous occasion because I was (finally) ready to think about the self-harm I inflicted on my ear. I was ready to admit that I harmed myself and now was offering myself protection, if my ears would accept it. The answer came when I finally touched the sign, put my fingers on the two O’s in the word Protection, and then touched the letters to my own ears. The value of protection from the sign of “Protection” itself came to my ears.

This is integral magick, folks. You can interpret these ritualistic actions from many different standpoints. The standpoint of magick is the most liberative if you, like me, realize that healing is not an individual affair. Trauma inhabiting the letters and numbers and signs and symbols demands reconciliation which we can offer by becoming magicians. We can become like children who take the good along with the bad and make something whole from it without even theorizing about it. We can become like shamans, tasting the poison of error and building an immunity, transmuting the possible and impossible into indistinct aspects of the whole. We can become Integral Magicians, looking in our own typographical errors for clues to the whereabouts and will of the Incarnate Logos.

More on God’s Gayness, Part 1

gay-godOne of the most commented on parts of 2007’s Soulfully Gay is the section “T.I.O.B.G. 1 of 6: God Is Gay”, from Chapter 1, “God Is Gay”. Bear in mind that these words were written in 2003, not 2007, and reflect my very first effort at a quasi-Integral systematic theology as a 33-year-old man. Some 13 years later, I have more to say, and so I start a new thread on the topic.


T.I.O.B.G. 1 of 6: God Is Gay

Human nature teaches us about the nature of God, the Source of All and the Destiny of Everything. Human beings include male and female. God is like a man and God is like a woman. There is beauty in mankind and in womankind, and God is so beautiful that God’s beauty includes all the beauty of women and men.

We can try to express what these aspects of human nature teach us about God with words, but only poorly. We could say, for instance: God is male. God is not male. God is female. God is not female. These are all fine (but limited) ways of talking about God.

Human nature teaches us about the nature of God. We include gay people and straight people. Gay people love in gay ways and straight people love in straight ways. We can try to express what human nature reveals about God with words, but only poorly. We could say, for instance: God is gay. God is not gay. God is straight. God is not straight. These are fine (but limited) ways of talking about God.

God is like a gay person and God is like a straight person. There is beauty in gay people and in straight people, and God is so beautiful that God’s beauty includes all the beauty of gays and straights. There is beauty in gay ways of loving and in straight ways of loving, and God’s ways of loving are so beautiful that they include all the beauty of gay and straight ways of loving.

God made some men gay, because He made them in His image. God made gay men to love in gay ways, because God loves in gay ways. The beauty of gay men reflects the beauty of God. The beauty of gay ways of loving reflects the beauty of God’s gay ways of loving. When someone fears and hates a gay man, he or she fears and hates God. When someone denigrates, despises, loathes, and harms a gay man, he or she denigrates, despises, loathes, and harms God.

Some people have repressed the truth about God’s gayness, because they have hated and feared God. Some who have repressed the truth about God are straight and others are gay. The truth about God’s gayness has been revealed to those whose eyes are open.

With these words, I began to tell a new story about God, the superstar, the celebrity, the personality that religious people are always talking about and irreligious people are always railing against. The story begins with the revelation of a secret teaching: psssst, hey, did you know that God is Gay?.

In subsequent parts of Chapter 1, “God Is Gay”, I proceed to erect something that theologians call a theological anthropology (i.e., a conception of human nature in relation to divine realities). In this new map of human nature, I compose a cross at the center, and put Masculine and Feminine (or Yang and Yin) at the horizontal axis and Sameness and Otherness (or Homophilia and Heterophilia) at the vertical axis. All of gender and sexuality dynamics — the grand story of our essence and our expansion, our translative spirituality and our transformative spirituality — are denoted on this diagram. And every human being can recognize themselves on this cross: men and women, heterophiles and homophiles, and even people who don’t fit neatly in the categories can at least see intersection which reveals them.

It is pretty astonishing to me that until the publication of Soulfully Gay in 2007, this simple explication of human nature had not gotten any play in Christian theology. No one else had put Sameness and Otherness as the vertical axis, representing transformative spirituality, in their conception of human nature. (Nor had this understanding of gayness been explicated in Queer Studies or LGBT Studies, which taken as a whole were Green/PostModern and uninterested in the possibility of cross-cultural and cross-linguistic universals).

If you know something about Christian theology, then you can start to see the horrible challenge this theological anthropology poses, particularly in Chapter 3, “Deeper Connections”, which builds on this map of human nature an add more associations: Eros for the heterophilic, outside-pointing arrow of the Y-axis, and Agape for the homophilic, inside-pointing arrow of the Y-axis. The spirit of self-transcendence itself enacts the heterosexual impulse and sprints ahead to God’s Evolution (or Ascent) … meaning that self-immanence itself enacts the homophilic impulse and describes God’s Involution (or Descent).

In other words, the moment that sexual sameness is associated in a proper, robust theological anthropology capable of describing this facet of human nature, something wonderful and horrible happens. Homosexuality and same-sex love can now be seen as playing a role at the central drama of anthropology — and therefore Christology. You can’t understand human nature or Christ’s nature without understanding that homophilia is the inward-arrow of God, and it is a gay direction. It is also a direction associated with the distortions of Grand Narcissism and the Death Drive (Thanatos).

Thus, God — viewed from the inside angle, pointing from the infinite expanse of Evolution toward a central point within the inner face of All Things — is gay. Christ knows God from the inside and out, and when manifest in human history reveals its “broken” nature, homophilic in a symbolic sense if not literal. Put bluntly, to be a Christ is to have gayness.

Arguably this is the most important teaching in Soulfully Gay, and I am heartened that quite a few people have come to me and expressed how important this finding is. Some divinity schools have assigned the book to students of Christology or theology. I have even heard that it is nothing less than a radical inspiration of the Holy Spirit because it tells everyone what a Christ is — if it is not already obvious — in the form of gay and lesbian people.

I think I’ll leave this story right there for now. If you want to explore this topic further, then please spend a few dollars to get the book at Amazon. There’s quite a bit more to this teaching — and its development — than I will be hashing out in this blog.

Finding Religion 2016, or: “Breaking Up With God Is Hard To Do: Revisited”

james-franco-as-aron-ralston-in-127-hours-427897391In Chapter 1 of Soulfully Gay, “God Is Gay”, there is this moment of negative expression. I, a 33-year-old man, come to grips with the God of Roman Catholicism that I lost as a college freshman at Harvard. Here is the key piece of my earlier writing:

Friday, November 14

Breaking Up with God Is Hard to Do

When I was a boy in grade school, belief in a loving God came easily to me. God was the answer to my question, Where does everything come from? I prayed with confidence that my prayers were always heard.

I sometimes envisioned God as a benevolent teacher and humans as His dutiful pupils. Follow the rules, do your homework, learn your lessons, and when class is dismissed you can frolic forever in the divine playground. The classroom was sometimes stifling, but usually it was a nurturing place of joy and enchanted mysteries.

Being Roman Catholic was an important part of life during my teenage years and early adulthood. The church was where I learned to experience my spirituality—how to pray, how to celebrate the sacred moments of life, and how to cope with death.

As I became aware of my homosexuality, my faith was often a source of internal conflict. Like many others, I saw the Vatican as full of closed-minded hypocrites, and I suspected that many church leaders were themselves closeted, self-hating homosexuals. I had no desire to worship in such a church.

When I was 20 years old, I began to come out of the sexual closet. As a result, continuing to worship in the Catholic Church suddenly became very uncomfortable. However, leaving the church altogether was more than I felt I could handle, so I decided to take a break.

I called the break a “sabbatical,” and it lasted for about 13 years. From time to time, I’d attend mass. But worship always left me feeling fragmented and frustrated, never spiritually whole. When I did connect to authentic feelings, it was usually anger (at the Catholic Church) or sadness, not joy.

Religion was an integral aspect of my life, just as my hands and feet are part of my body. Remember Aron Ralston? He was the 27-year-old hiker who, after being pinned beneath an 800-pound boulder for five days, used a pocketknife to free himself by amputating his own arm.  He told rescuers that he had run out of water and his very survival had depended upon breaking free.

For many religious people, leaving their religion behind can be as challenging a decision as cutting off one’s own arm. It’s not something one does lightly, and many people will avoid the break at all costs. For example, 70 percent of queer Catholics don’t practice their religion but still call themselves Catholic, according to the Gay/Lesbian Consumer Online Census.

That’s an astounding number when you think about it. Imagine if seven Republicans in ten didn’t like most of the policies of George W. Bush but stayed in the party anyway. Or what if seven out of ten members of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals didn’t like animals but refused to give up their PETA membership cards?

What’s this about? According to Robert Fuller’s book Spiritual, but Not Religious: Understanding Unchurched America, there are three main reasons why people maintain an ambiguous relationship with their religion despite “falling away.” First, they might be motivated to continue a nominal connection to an organized religion because of their family background. Second, they may be concerned that disaffiliating with their religion could harm their social standing. Third, they simply may be timid about making a final break from religion.

It’s primarily this third motivation that stood in my way of leaving the Catholic Church, because for many years I identified my religion with my spirituality. This meant that leaving the Church was almost like breaking up with God.

After over a decade of being lapsed, or “on sabbatical,” this year I finally said goodbye to the Catholic Church. I issued no press releases. I nailed no bulletins on church doors. For the most part I went quietly.

And I began the coming out process all over again. This time it meant telling people that I’m no longer Roman Catholic. The Vatican’s continual attacks on the dignity of gay people were simply more than I wanted to bear.

I respect that there are a number of gays who are staying in the Catholic Church and will continue to work for change. God bless them. I honor the difficult choices they have made, even as I know that my spiritual path is taking me in another direction.

What did leaving the Catholic Church mean to me? I finally realized that I could go no further in my spiritual growth by staying put, one foot in a hostile church and one outside. I wanted a spiritual path that I could step into with both feet. Like the hiker trapped by the boulder, I knew something invaluable was at stake: my survival. My spiritual survival.

Today I don’t have a church, but I envision the universe itself as a loving, nurturing Higher Power and benevolent teacher. And I see myself as a continuing student of spirituality. My faith hasn’t been lost so much as it has gradually grown into something new and more mature.

I predict that one day on my deathbed I will have no regrets about leaving the Catholic Church in 2003. But I will have no peace with the decision, unless I continue to explore my perplexing affinity with the Roman Catholic Church despite its many oh-so-human flaws. I must confess: I haven’t ruled out rejoining the Catholic Church as a regular churchgoing man. The decision I made in 2003 was essential to my spiritual development at the time, but I have begrudgingly acknowledged that it is not necessarily the best choice for me ongoing.

Nor do I feel that it is essential that I rush to rejoin the Catholic communion at this time, I think. I have attended a couple of masses in the last couple of  years, one a memorial service for my Mom. Unfortunately I didn’t see stars, have exploding highs of spiritual delight, or feel serene oneness with the Body of Whatever Christ I  Could. It was a lot of boredom and indifference rather than mystical union. If I choose to enhance my relationship with the Church in the future, I must weigh heavily the opportunity cost: hours of boredom and indifference … if that is in fact what I have ahead of me.

There are stories in the intervening 13 years — 2003 to 2016 — which have colored my present viewpoint. Let me relate one of them. People speak of dark nights of the soul, and mostly this is exaggerated. They don’t really know darkness of the mystic simply because they suffered human pains. They know the Dark Night of the Soul only if they have suffered quasi-human pains, divine pains, the hideous torture of the divine-in-human pain available to every one of us if we submit to our divine nature. So it was in my early 40s when I was in as dark a place as most of you can imagine (unless you have repeatedly been to the Dark Night while in a Bipolar I or schizophrenic episode): I had invented a mystical language which reorganized my consciousness and somehow, unanticipated and tragically, allowed a deluge of demons and devils into my inner world. I won’t bother defining “devil” or “demon” at this time; I’ll save that for a later blog post.


Or so it seemed to me, on every rational inspection of which I was capable. I was twisted and soulless and inhuman and incapable of escaping the heaviness of my consciousness. The devils had me, and they weren’t letting go. They blocked out the light and warmth. I lost hope of ever speaking to God again, for there was no lightness where I was. I was not permitted real human emotions, and I was prohibited from feeling and observing and loving and having pleasure as normal human beings do.

I was captive to a horrible enslavement of mind and body. Who could I trust to help me? Which friends could I contact with the hope that they would respond to me sympathetically and helpfully? Which spiritual leaders could possibly understand my torment and offer a remedy for a malady which began with the adoption of a magical alphabet which they did not know?

In this dark state, I turned to the Roman Catholic Church to see if I could find an exorcist to heal me. I won’t tell the full story today, except to note that I tried repeatedly and found mercy and rites of forgiveness and love in my time of need. But I found neither understanding nor, ultimately, rites of exorcism. Perhaps withholding exorcism was a bit of passive-aggressive posturing on God’s part, if I interpret the story with a sense of humor. I had said fuck you to the Church as a 33-year-old. When I pursued my path of spirituality and it led me to a devil-infested depression, was it up to the Church to heal me? No. I had brought the demonic possession onto myself, using my own wits, and if I was going to escape the Kosmic Horror myself, I was going to have to keep working at it, on my own lights, pulling myself by my own bootstraps.

I haven’t reconnected with the Catholic Church any more than I have said, but I have found religion. The idea that the universe itself is a Benevolent Higher Power seems extremely naive. According to NASA, “roughly 68% of the Universe is dark energy. Dark matter makes up about 27%. The rest – everything on Earth, everything ever observed with all of our instruments, all normal matter – adds up to less than 5% of the Universe.”

If we are going to speak of the Universe as a Higher Power, then it must be the Universe that is 95% unknown to us, full of darkness and uncertainty and chaos, seemingly oblivious to the cares of human beings. Is that really a Higher Power worth believing in? I’m not sure. (There’s a longer story here I must save for a later date. It involves the testing of this theory of the Universe itself as Benevolent. And I must say my tests are inconclusive, but they led me to introduce the “Ro” as the Arch-Enemy in The Kalendar series).

But I do know this: If we are to live through this evolutionary moment as a civilization with the greatest possibility of survival, then we must not throw out the old gods. We must evolve with them, and let the gods evolve. Let the gods tell us how to understand our relationship to the higher matters and understand the lower matters in their underworldly ways. We must let God speak again.

We can figure it out. We need the gods/Gods/God of All. We cannot dispense with them lest we eschew the greatest psychological and spiritual achievements of our species in favor of a stubborn ego in the wilderness. We might find more young people collapsing into demonic decay, nihilism of different stripes, and worse. What is worse than nihilism? I have tasted it, I have more to tell you about it at the right time.

Breaking up with God is hard to do. Breaking up with the devil is hard to do, too, when you’re addicted to egoic individualism or other maladies of the spirit which still need God as the remedy.


Getting “Present” Through Writing The Shadow Alive

shadow-workSometimes I read a friend’s status updates and am stricken by the “in presence” of the person. Often he is ruminating over canned tomatoes or the feeling of apple cider vinegar in the stomach, or she is opening her heart to a world of pain and suffering with a streak of righteousness and anger. They are “present” to What Is, and sometimes I feel indicted in my own mind by comparison.

You see, my blogging career has led me here: to the fourth post in a brand new blog, Brave New Words. And I am attempting to stay present to the moment, but it is taking me back in time.

It is telling me: you cannot go on, you cannot take up the mantle of writer and poet and philosopher, unless you resolve the issues from your past. These are issues so intricate and dense and thick with peril that you have avoided doing so for the majority of a decade.

Writing as shadow work: it is retracing the paths you have avoided and letting the process of creativity itself — however it is conceptualized, secularly or as God’s active mind — interact with the tossed off stuff. It is telling the world what you don’t want anyone to know. It is being brave, braver than you have ever been, so as to reveal the ugliness and unloved parts into the light.

So you see, you have stumbled into this new journal today: and I am only on post four and deeply mired in shadow from the past, and just beginning to allow Creativity to sloff it off. I need to own publicly the complex self that I have allowed very few persons to witness. It is the only way to explain my past activity and inactivity (the riddles of my published work with the riddles of my absence from writing). I have to take you into the past because I’m attached to stuff on my path there, and perhaps I can let it go or transform it so it is more tolerable.

I envy someone so free from the past that they can revel in just being “present” by opening a jar of canned tomatoes and drinking in the flavor.

On the other hand, I don’t envy them. They think they stand in pure sunlight, unblemished by shadow, simply because they aren’t thinking of themselves in a complex enough manner.

Because my shadows aren’t merely the shadows of my particular self. They are, in part, collective shadow. It is the collective shadow that is most vexing, and most hard to spot, and most hard to shed.

If I stay behind closed doors and locked gates, and never let you see my shadow work, the collective shadow will go un-witnessed. You will think that whatever is troubling Joe is his business alone, his duty alone, never acknowledging that it is YOUR work too because you share in the collective issues.

I need to blog my shadow work — at the intersection of individual and collective — and allow the world in. If the world enters into the drama, it can do its part to heal the collective shadow.

I wish there were a phrase more evocative than “shadow work“. I’m afraid that phrase fails to inspire or give me reason to join in.

Really what I am asking of myself is to be a sort of World Shaman, as I understand the term, taking my life story over the past 16 years as the malady to be restored to health through a meta-shamanic process. And I am calling others to be their own World Shamans, enacting a wild transformation of the old into the new.

It isn’t time yet to explain the meaning of World Shaman. The phrase frightens me and fills me with the memory of horror and terror and amazing states of consciousness. You don’t know what I am asking of myself, and you don’t know what I am asking of you.

It means attending to the words of my story — and the story itself in all its contexts and overlapping significances — as a story for the ages. One. With. EVERYTHING. In. The. Balance.

That is how I experienced it, as you will see soon enough.

On How I Write (Embodied Spiritual Communication)

angel1Several years ago, I wrote an entire short book as an empty vessel to Spirit as Spirit shone itself to me, as a vessel of Gabriel of the Archangel’s fame.

Gabriel watched as I wrote, fused as I was to a spirit, A_, in my own belief system, which was itself a Ferris wheel of shifting contours.

There were rules, too many to mention. I didn’t follow them exactly. They helped me to stay Joe Perez in a psychic laboratory where I was communing with saints and angels, and fighting off the devils and demons. Every sentence was a battle in a cosmic war. Every paragraph was the communication of an urgent, powerful, essential message from the spirit world to our time.

I still have the book I wrote, which I called the Hadith 1-5, after a subset of Mohammad’s scriptures. “Channeled literature” they call it, if they’re literary New Age types. “A mess of psychotic or schizophrenic mind” they call it, if they’re scientific, spiritually reductionistic types. “Authentic 21st century Judeo-Christian-Islamic revelation,” said nobody, heartbreakingly. It is said to be the work of a Kalen, a fusion of my own personality with A_’s and Queen Ewi and Allah.

To me, it was just something I had to do. It was shown to me on my path, and every bit of it was a painstaking struggle to identify the meaning of the spiritual entity which wished to put words in my mouth. I trusted in the spirits. Too completely. I felt later, battered psychologically and physically, drinking water from the toilet of my jail cell, that I had been deceived. I was just learning to read the spirits, and didn’t have tutelage.

I should have sought out help. I should not have attempted to write a Scripture on my own, buried in my apartment, sent on errands by the speakers of mystery. I was committed to a path of surrender to Spirit, and I went wherever Spirit instructed … to my own peril. It ended like a Hollywood story, a Steve McQueen movie, with a man and a car and a high-speed chase to the only place in the world which could renew the split between the worlds at that moment, Clear Lake in the form of Bright Water. I have to talk in riddles just to convey the gist because it isn’t time yet to say the full story. There’s a longer story, and we’ll get to it in due course, but the essential point is that I tried to write a Scripture and failed.

Or … I found out that it’s really damn hard. When I stop talking about me, listening to my words, my wants, my ideas, and simply give myself over to the voices that are not-me, and surrender to them … then words come out unexpectedly. I do not judge their meaning. They mean what they mean, their every sound a symbol of that whatever is necessary in the moment, in that particular relationship of Spirit-to-Joe.

I was a Prophet, speaking words of the other, of Allah, or Queen Ewi, or Y___.

I was an Oracle, delivering words from another place which perfectly addressed my own questioning.

I was a Messenger, my body absorbing subtle energies which changed my magnetic form, and allowed me to perceive a split between myself and the other voices.

I tapped into the left brain/right brain divide, and the left body/right body divide, and allowed my body to be inhabited by holy ghouls, other entities which took over parts of my body. I gave up control to something else. It was the path of surrender. It was the path I called the Way of Falam, meaning Followership.

I don’t write exactly like this any more, but I have been changed by my experience down to my electromagnetic bodily essence. I haven’t tried to write another book like the Hadith 1-5 in several years, and I don’t plan another one quite like it. Today I take responsibility for what I write, but there is much I have not been able to say, for the spiritual entities are around me unseen (or within me unheard?) and I cannot talk to them. Now I navigate my words with the “multitudes within” (Whitman) with a much more complex relationship to them.

There is no “I” typing this, but I do associate “I” more with the activities of my right hand than the activities of my left hand, my right-side body more than my left-side body, and my left-brain as opposed to my right-brain. Together they navigate a complex relationship of subtle energies and forms of spirit, deciding the words to say without judgment from the “I” unless I intervene to create safety and structure and sense.

Before I say more, it is useful for you to have context, quite a few different overlapping contexts actually. First we must regard my efforts at writing in my 30s with Soulfully Gay before getting into my 40s. I wonder: Should I publish the Hadith 1-5 on this website? It is not a good document, I feel. I do not want to be associated with it, I don’t think. But perhaps I need to. Perhaps I need to show you my failed Scripture, so that I may learn lessons from the path of channeled literature and better understand the path I have taken instead, one of better wisdom, I think.

Where Does the Integral Magick Project Stand?

cauldronEarlier this year, I imagined that I would be writing a blog called The Integral Cauldron all year, and beyond, each entry building the backstory of my epic literary contribution, The Kalendar series of books. Not that it matters to very many people, but so you don’t have to speculate, the magic blog is on hold. In a sense it has been replaced by this blog, Brave New Words.

I have also paused my writing in The Kalendar series so I can focus on getting the word out about the first one. I need to function as both writer and marketer in most respects, and it’s time to make sure that people who might be interested in this phenomenon have the best possible chance of learning about it. Part epic poem, part fantasy-fiction, part Integral philosophy, part magick handbook and divination sourcebook. It is a genre-disruptive book indeed.

The Kalendar series of books are still imagined as a nine-book series delivered over several years for their own sake, and for accompanying the project of Integral Magick. They will tell the story of an immortal human being, Kalen O’Tolan, as his long years lead him from the Bronze Age of antiquity through our present day and a thousand years into our future. Along the way, he is killed at the Battle of Red Cliffs, and he returns (or so it seems) along a special Timeline, provided that the conditions of the Timeline are manifest.

Like other fantasy/sci-fi books that you will find on the bookstore shelves, the books in The Kalendar series contain a magical system. But unlike most other books, the magical system of these books is one that is intended for practice. The Integral Magick system is one which can be used for actual magical practice for “real” results, if the possibilities of the magickal system are fully realized. For example, there is a New Tarot delivered in nine suits, one in each book of the series; the entire Tarot system is available for use for psychics, mediums, and spiritual adepts who want to use this practice. Of course, it will help when the full Tarot decks – all of them: the Yang Deck, the Yin Deck, the You Deck — are published.

I have reserved two domains – and – at least one of which will contain my future writings intended to help people develop facility with the new system of magick. I have also begun to coalesce a Facebook group – the Integral Magic Circle at — where newbies and esoteric experts alike can discuss the new approach to magic. I don’t have as much time as I would like to lead discussions in the Magic Circle, but when I need to, I will make an entry in the private group.

All of this talk of websites and social media groups and fantasy books should tell you: the Integral Magick project is alive and progressing at a natural clip. If I knew more about the precise timing of its evolution, I would tell you. I am putting out trial balloons and testing the readiness and interest and knowledge of people who are kindred spirits. And where I am not finding the kindred spirits that I expect, I am going back to the drawing boards and figuring out if I need to adjust my initial ideas and plans.

So the Integral Cauldron blog is more or less defunct. I will re-boot it in a new place when the timing is right. In its place is this spot, Brave New Words, where magic will very much be a subject of discussion and, yes, teaching. I have a gut feeling that if there will be a resurgence of magick-al leadership capable of re-formulating the wisdom of past Magicians, then it will depend on a high degree of transparency and trust in the “powers” and “efficaciousness” of new Magicians. The new Magicians will need to build their credibility the old fashioned way: transparency, documented magical feats, and the ability to communicate to others the essential techniques necessary to realize the potential of “real” magick.

I believe in Integral Magick, and want to see it realized from acorn to stem, to trunk of a mighty oak. But I don’t control its growth. I can do my part, and see what comes next. Part of my hope for magick’s future is this blog. I think if I can explain the story behind the system’s genesis then people will be better able to understand the system’s importance and limitations.

Remember: Integral Magick is not necessary to perform feats of mundane achievement (egocentric magic), but feats of worldcentric magic unlike anything the world has ever seen. Through Lingua-U, it cam help to bridge the gaps between the theologies of all the world religions – offering a meta-language for reconciling the Divine Names and Holy Names. That is no small feat, and its success can certainly be measured by Magicians, if they possess a sufficiently high level of consciousness for knowing wicked good magick when they see it.

Let Me Reintroduce Myself.

joeperez2016“Brave New Words” is a fitting title for this new, highly experimental weblog.

I will need to muster my courage to bear words on subjects that I have never seen others write about, especially words about the intersection of creativity, mysticism, and madness.

You see, I am a mystic. And I have been diagnosed with Bipolar I, a psychiatric condition which has given me access to extraordinary and unbelievable states of mind, to say the very least. I am going to write about stuff that will range from neuron-melting horror to exquisite love and feelings/situations for which we lack a name. Forgive me if I am vague at this time about what I want to write about. I am intentionally NOT going to say what I want to. You need to get to know me better first, and if you can handle my earlier journal entries, then maybe just maybe you can handle the rest to come, psychosis-fueled nightmares and benedictions alike.

I am a man with a map. Several maps. Maybe too many maps. The maps I’m talking about don’t describe the physical geography and place names; they describe the inner/outer worlds that I’ve encountered, what I found there, and how I got myself home (or at least the place I call home). Every map has gone through numerous inner revisions so that I can use them in a practical way. A collection of maps called AQAL have been extraordinarily useful to me — they are a key part of Integral Theory as formulated by Ken Wilber — and on this account I call myself “Integral” or an “Integralist”. I have also been much influenced by the maps of StAGES — a key part of the Integral theory, correlated with AQAL, which has been formulated by Terri O’Fallon and other folks.)

But I have added some maps which are closer to the breadcrumbs in the story of Hansel and Gretel. Hard to spot if you don’t know what you’re looking for, but in a pinch they might lead you out of danger and darkness back to a better place. These are magical maps, the most significant is the Lingua-U Alphabet. It is a comprehensive schema for finding the places where meaning fails and where meta-meaning arises … if that is the best word for it, and it isn’t, but it will do. There are other maps as well including the Bear-Yak Zodiac, the Stone-Star Tarot, the Kalendar, the New Kosmology, the New Atlas, etc. (I have coined the phrase Integral Magick to describe the maps I have added to AQAL and StAGES, so if you want to use them yourself you can call them by a proper name.

There are quite a few reasons I have put off writing this journal. I don’t know in advance what I will be willing to tell you. There’s some really fucked up shit, as they say. Getting in my way: suffering.

I know that in the course of the past 16 years I have suffered tremendously in situations involving multiple arrests and incarceration, multiple involuntary stays in psychiatric wards and one voluntary commitment, more than a few public displays of outrageous insanity (and not just screeds on my Facebook wall), and much of this trauma has not been fully healed. My life is damaged in ways you cannot understand unless you have walked in my shoes or, just maybe, if you read my words and expand your horizons to allow yourself to embrace more fullness than you have heretofore. If you do so, you can see me, see where I’ve been hiding out in words and silences, never telling you who I am (or Who I Am, if I may speak about the essences beyond the persona), except through innuendo and supposition.

I want to write this journal, but slowly, because as I get closer to the truth, I am more vulnerable. My traumas stop me with great fear. They are darker and more twisted and complex than you know … so I will not write directly about the unhealed wounds until I am ready. I have broken and imperfect therapeutic options available to me. One of them is writing, especially stream of consciousness writing, as a form of catharsis. So writing a weblog is one of my routes for finding healing.

That’s something I might have said at the outset of my spiritual autobiography Soulfully Gay, which is a shell game of persona and Supreme Identity, twisting and turning to a surprise ending. Too many people never got the point (perhaps they gave up before the final chapter). Published about 9 years ago by Integral Books/Shambhala, it ought to serve as a warning. I don’t tell stories in a linear fashion (not even the book’s Introduction, which leads to an ellipses which preserves the narrative’s surprise. The book ends ambiguously, unless you know the actual details of fact which were left out, then it becomes clear. For all these past years I’ve kept the book’s secret climax pretty well. Only once did I spill the beans. I think I’ll take a stab at spoiling the ending for everyone once and for all, or at least giving the author’s interpretation. Look for a post in the days ahead which will confirm your suspicions, if you’ve been following my work at all … and maybe knock your socks off, I don’t know, or unleash volatile or even hostile reactions in you. I don’t know exactly why I’ve left the book’s final chapter without commentary even to this day, but I feel fear. I must step through it soon, and again and again for additional chapters of my unwritten autobiography, until I can bring everyone up to the present. And to fuller presence.

I can’t promise you that reading my journal will be a treat in great literature. A glorious trainwreck, quite possibly! I don’t want to “sell you” at all at becoming a reader. You might find this interesting or you might have different work to do in your life. But come along if you are willing. And if you want to dip into the archive of my writings over the past 11 years, I’ve kept some posts from my old blogs online, so feel free to explore. I promise you terror … and laughs … and holy fuck moments. And maybe enlightenment too. That’s a secret I’m not yet ready to spoil.

Enlightenment is a secret. That’s what they ought to say, everyone who claims to know something about it. It’s not for common knowledge, for it can be a holy hellhole in which no one can escape with the truth. At least that’s my opinion today. It could change if writing and therapy and love have a way of evolving my perceptions.

Introducing Phonosemantic Meditation (PM)

You are invited to follow a new series of Facebook status updates at Joe Perez – Author which introduce the practice of Phonosemantic Meditations. These are simple sacred utterances or mantras which have the ability to re-orient one’s relationship to language — and foster the emergence of a trans-linguistic awareness — over time through repetition.

The practice builds day by day by linking the phoneme meaning — say, /kɛ/, for the start of the word Care — with the energetic posture by mindfully recognizing the Lingua-U equivalent hexagram, ╎╎╎╎│┆, in your speech kinesthetics and by expressing the subtle energy in your body’s posture.

Each day has both a morning and evening practice. There are 729 distinct meditations over the course of the calendar year, two per day. In a year’s time, as the stations of the Kalendar are traversed, the entire Lingua-U alphabet is enfolded into your awareness through this simple daily meditative practice. In this way, your awareness of the subtle connections between speech, body, and the natural world coalesce in a new harmony.

Phonosemantic Meditations are a core daily practice necessary for the study of Integral Magick. If you are at all curious about developing tearing down the body/mind barriers created by a lack of a more comprehensive language awareness, or if you want to up-level your subtle energy work, “like” and share these posts, and begin to use Lingua-U’s meta-map of a Universal Language of Energy to enhance your spiritual development.

While mantras have been around for 1000s of years, there’s never been a fairly comprehensive set of them suitable for meditative practice and inquiry until now. That’s the point of up-leveling your existing mantra practice, if you have one, with Phonosemantic Meditations (PMs).

There are 729 different hexagrams which depict mantras for reciting, two per day for an entire solar year. A simple way to get started with PMs is to recite the vowel sound expressed in the first two symbols of the day’s hexagram. Today it is ╎╎, which is the schwa vowel or “ə” sound as in “custom”. Add this vowel to your sitting meditation or yoga practice in an unobtrusive way. Change the vowel every 40 days with the start of each new month of the Kalendar.

In this way, you can begin to know the inner nature of nine common vowel sounds, the nine Secondary Vowels of ‪#‎LinguaU‬. As you are ready to deepen your practice, you can learn to express the consonants like ╎╎╎for K or combine them into consonant-vowel expressions like ╎╎╎╎╎ for /kə/ or ╎╎╎╎╎ for vowel-consonant expressions like /ək/.

The Black Stone Is Now Available For Purchase!


At long last, release the Kraken!

The Wheel of Existence turns at the Common Era’s most extraordinary time imaginable. After billions of years of evolution, a Rounder has been born at Zero who returns from Beyond to dwell amongst the mortals.

He is Kalen O’Tolan. His young appearance belies the secret of his immortality, an Aeon-spanning Kalendar to which his life and times are aligned. As the world of the Iron Age advances to heighted culture and civilization, he ages slowly in his boyhood. Kalen is aided by parents of mysterious ancestry, his loyal brother and tenacious sisters, the Wizard Aupaiaaqua, and other extraordinary beings.

The old world of Magic is dying, and every magical Power is set for turmoil. Corrupted and evil, Aries-Pisces leads the fight to destroy the Rounder and seize the Artifacts of Orr which the boy Kalen is charged to find and protect. Kalen must obtain the Black Stone and win the trust of the Great Bear who will lead the forces of Animwaa in the War of the Zodiacs.

Miraculously, the future of humankind depends on the outcome of the hero’s quest. A terrifying calamity called the Nadir approaches the world in 2,111 C.E. Kalen must find a way to communicate with someone alive in the present day who can alert humankind to the approaching threat in order to take corrective action before it’s too late.

The fate of Existence itself depends on Kalen’s ability to influence the development of Lingua-U, a new Universal Meta-Language, in our time. The Black Stone comprises two distinct works: “The Omphalos of Delphi,” a fantasy novel, and “The Surrender of Symbiosis,” an epic-length philosophical poem. Both books are joined under one cover and offer interwoven explorations of human meaning-making at the foundations of consciousness.

The Black Stone is the first in a series of nine genre-disrupting works offering a mix of fiction, poetry, art, and philosophy. Together they will make up The Kalendar Series, an epic volume which tells a single story spanning the entire globe of the Earth beginning more than 2,000 years in our past and ending nearly 1,000 years in our future. This is a work that testifies to the emerging human capacity to create languages, tell stories, paint pictures, sing songs, and predict the future from an integrated sense of a unique identity as participants and co-creators in the evolution of Kosmos.

“A sort of Lord of the Rings meets Integral Spirituality meets The Canon of Supreme Mystery (among others). If you enjoy — and are ready for — sprawling epics built with spiritually integrated circuitry, The Black Stone is for you — brilliant, compelling, original, beautiful.” – Ken Wilber, The Integral Vision.



New Zodiac Sign No. 6: The Vulture

The sixth Animwaa of the Bear-Yak Zodiac is the Great Vulture, Vija, Social Purifier, and Most Just of the Fierce Friends.

6. The Vulture


Army: The Fierce Friends

Role: Social Purifier

Constellation: V

Enneagram: No. 1, The Perfect Foe

Kalendar: ││┆╎, ││┆┆

Old Zodiac: Aquarius 5° – Aquarius 11°

Dates: Jan. 25 AM – Jan. 31 AM

Complement: Chicken


The Great Vulture is one of the most extraordinary heroes in the story of Kalen’s childhood. Vija, the Great Vulture, found a Vultur Gryphus, a Great Condor of the South, and persuaded him to travel far from his Andean home. Together with the Great Vulture, Almity the Giant Condor crossed thousands of miles and braved many obstacles on route to the Castle of Wands which held Kalen captive, until at last the opportunity came for him to perform a great deed at the boy’s hour of deepest need. The Great Vulture herself watched Almity’s extraordinary rescue unfold from a perch on a tree at the Castle’s base. Vija was prepared to do many things to rescue Kalen, for she had never before been so outraged by injustice than she was upon hearing of the boy’s sad tale from Beionai, the Great Bear.

Kalen taught the Great Vulture many things about the bird’s spiritual significance. Vultures are patient beings who deliberate reflectively. They take time before making decisions and choose paths based on keen insights. Often they see and make use of what others overlook, refuse, or discard. They see many alternative possibilities and use all of their senses in navigating through difficulties. Vultures can be fiercely protective.

vulture1Vija was called the “Social Purifier” because of her ability to address injustice, advocate for the disadvantaged, and cleanse impurities in difficult situations. The Great Vulture not only played a central role in Kalen’s rescue from the Castle of Wands, she also played an enormous role in the overthrow of Aquarius, the Water Bearer (or Water Hoarder, as he came to be called). Aquarius saw himself as being concerned with humanitarianism and creating a more just social order, but Vija uniquely saw how Aquarius fell short. He believed he was doing good deeds, but he was actually merely justifying his own wealth, privilege, and power. Vija saw everything Aquarius abandoned, oppressed, or marginalized. And Vija set in motion the collaborative effort which would undo the Water Hoarder and inaugurate the rise of the New Zodiac.

Linked to the last five degrees of the first decan of Aquarius and the first degree of the second decan, Vija shared two character traits with the Water Hoarder: social conscientiousness and introspection. Intelligent and just, observant and transformational. The Great Vulture was a match, trait for trait, with Aquarius, and she was there when the time came for the Water Hoarder’s fate to be sealed.