As I first set forth my views in Rising Up, there are universal sexual ethics. I suggest they may be founded by defining sex in this way: Sex is the joining of persons by Love through the mingling of bodies in all dimensions of being (gross, subtle, causal) and is clearly expressed primarily by the mingling of genitals. Sex is the joining of persons by Love. It is an embodiment of the Unity that already exists between all persons. But here’s the really tricky part. Sex is an expression of who we truly are in the center of our being. We are not one; we are connected. We are connected through Eros to the otherness of our partner(s); we are connected through Agape to the sameness of our partner(s). But we are already connected to all other beings, whether or not we have sex with one partner, many, or none at all! Sex is a profound act of affirmation of our nature as spiritual beings having a human experience. We are never closer to who we are truly then when we realize our unity with another, and by extension, with all. Sex is neither essential to this realization nor is it detrimental.
Our sex can be a profoundly distorted and disassociated experience (he projecting his communion onto her; she projecting her agency onto him, etc.). Or it can be an opening to our deepest center. The point isn’t so much what we do or who we do it with, but who we are when we give and receive love. Are we a fragmented self, satisfying basic instincts? Are we creatures of habit and virtue or vice? Are we rational beings engaged in productive activity? Are we sensitive souls? Are we integrated bodyminds? Or are we Love, arising in the moment, allowing our bodies to dance and shake and shiver in delight at the ecstasy at the heart of the universe? That is our deep charge, no matter what our sex life looks like on the surface.